by Laura Miolla, Certified Coach, Mediator and Parentology Coach
Infidelity is a LOADED word. You think you know what it means. You might know how it feels. You definitely don’t want it to happen to you. The very thought of it creates an immediate knee-jerk reaction of fear and anxiety. Like most people, you probably define infidelity as cheating … sexual relations outside of the marriage … and yet, that definition only scratches the surface of what infidelity REALLY is and how it can sabotage your marriage.
Infidelity is defined as “the action or state of being UNFAITHFUL to a spouse.” And there are THREE types of infidelity, not just one: Emotional, Physical and Financial.
If you and your spouse are going through the process of a divorce in court, the judge will try to ensure that all of your shared property is divided fairly or equally, depending on the laws in your state. However unpleasant it is to consider, there is a possibility that your spouse could be concealing some of the marital assets in an attempt to keep more for themselves.
In this post, we’ll go through some of the most common ways someone might try to hide their assets. The better you know what to look out for, the easier it’ll be to spot the inconsistencies and make sure you get your fair share.
Related post: How to Find Hidden Assets in a Divorce
A relatively simple way a divorcing spouse might hide financial assets is by taking money out of a joint account in both of your names or from a brokerage account. They would then transfer that money to an account only in their name.
Your spouse could also transfer money to a friend, rather...
Divorce can significantly impact your life in many ways. One often overlooked area that divorce can affect is your credit score. Credit bureaus do not report marital status and divorce itself doesn’t necessarily mean your score will drop. Usually, your credit score is affected indirectly due to divorce. To keep your score from taking a dive, it’s essential to consult with your Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to help you navigate your finances before, during, and after your divorce is final.
Maintaining a good credit score isn’t just important when looking to borrow money. Landlords, utility companies, and current or future employers can use your FICO (Fair Isaac Corporation) credit score to determine if they want to do business with you. The amount of debt you carry will identify to lenders whether or not you are a low or high-risk borrower and change your score. Your FICO score...
Starting over financially after divorce can feel overwhelming on numerous levels. If you are recently divorced, you could still be handling your legal bills related to the divorce. Besides, you are likely trying to manage your expenses on a lower income than what you're used to while only seeing half your assets when you open your investment statements.
If you walked away from your marriage with debt, look at ways to reduce your interest rates or reorganize to eliminate it. If you can't eliminate it right away, begin paying it down aggressively. Your monthly cash flow will be so much stronger if you're not paying down debt every month. When I am working with people on their divorce settlement, we often look for creative ways to eliminate the debt for both parties so they can each have a fresh start.
Related post: Debt and Divorce:...
Handling small businesses in divorce mediation presents several challenges and added complexity to the process. For starters, there may be other owners involved in the company, or it could have been a business passed down within a family. The value of the company under consideration for the asset division is typically the value created during the marriage. Sometimes that substantial, and sometimes there is little to no value to divide.
If you were negotiating your divorce settlement through attorneys or at trial, you would likely rely on a business valuation or possibly two competing expert reports.
Most people who choose mediation to settle their divorce choose it because they don't want to waste marital assets on the divorce itself. Thus, paying $10,000-20,000 for business valuations does not make a lot of sense.
Related post: 10 Ways to Save Money on Your Divorce
Not only does the valuation add quite a bit of cost to the process, but it can also add quite a bit of time to...
It's that time of year again where many of us are considering how we might be better or do better in the new year with New Year's resolutions. If parenting with your ex has been a significant struggle in your life, I want to challenge you to resolve to be a better co-parent this year. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your children.
Divorce not only takes a toll on the divorcing couple, but it also affects the rest of the family. This is especially evident if you have young children. Even though it's tough to hide the negative feelings that surface during a divorce, it's extremely important that you work at managing those feelings constructively if you don't want them to affect the kids.
Avoid the mistake of believing that your adult problems are too complicated for your children to understand. Although young children may not understand words like "irreconcilable differences," they're very intuitive and impressionable. Even babies can tell when their parents are at...
Discernment counseling is a unique approach to helping couples decide what they should do about their marriage. While traditional couples’ therapy typically has an end goal of saving the marriage or saving the relationship, discernment counseling allows couples to work through different processes and determine if staying together is the right choice.
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. This is a common cause and probably one of the hardest hurdles to get over for people who are trying to save a marriage. If your partner is unwilling to work with you to even determine whether divorce is the right choice, discernment counseling might be the best way to go.
There are many issues that come up in marriage, from family life to finances and other stressors. Whether you and your partner handle these the same way can have an impact on the success of your marriage. If you feel your marriage is heading toward...
Over the years of working with people going through a divorce, I've heard repeatedly that one of the parties was blindsided by the other spouse's request for a divorce. With that said, a relationship headed for an impending divorce will often show multiple signs of challenges and issues, if you're paying attention.
One of the most frequent complaints is that love has faded. Know that it's normal for relationships to change over time. Your love will also change. The first feeling of romance will turn into a deeper kind of love. However, it shouldn't disappear. A relationship that has lost its love altogether is in danger.
Anger and resentment can do immense damage to a relationship. If you both resent each other, then it's a strong sign the marriage is in trouble.
When you’re trying to co-parent with your ex, it can make things more difficult for you and your child. Successful co-parenting results in happier children, parents who are less stressed, and an overall greater level of contentment after divorce. While it can be difficult to get adjusted to having a healthy and happy co-parenting relationship, use these strategies for overcoming co-parenting conflicts!
The reason you’re doing this is for the one who is most important to you, right? It’s all about your child and making sure they have the healthiest childhood for them. Keep that in mind during any type of conflict and you’ll immediately diffuse the situation with your ex. It’s also important to kindly remind your ex why you are both doing this. By keeping the common denominator, your love for your child, in mind, you’ll make it easier to negotiation and compromise during all conflicts with your...
Telling parents about divorce can be hard enough. I have seen the tension in a divorce increase too many times as a result of meddling family members or friends. During the holidays, we tend to interact with family members and friends more than we do all year long, so there is even more opportunity for meddling than there typically is.
From my professional experience, it is so hard to watch when a couple has committed to handling their settlement in a mature and amicable way, but someone gets in one of their ears and tears the whole thing apart.
When I sit down with my clients who are going through mediation, I always encourage them to keep the conversations that happen in mediation in the mediation room. I know that when you're emotional, you may want to vent to a friend or a family member. However, divorce is a difficult process for everyone who is involved, and a meddling family member can make it even more complicated.
Related post: How to Ask Your Spouse to...