Divorce is on the the list of one of the top 10 stressors we can face, and it impacts every aspect of our lives, including our professional career. So how can you continue to be productive as you’re going through this huge life change that is likely causing you stress and consuming your thoughts? We’ve put together a list of 5 things you can do to help keep your divorce from affecting your job.
Talk to Your Boss
Not everyone feels comfortable discussing their personal life at work, and in this situation, it’s best to keep the explanation simple without going into a lot of detail. You can tell your boss that you are going through a very challenging time, but you are committed to your job. Let your boss know if you anticipate any time constraints or challenging deadlines in the near future and offer suggestions for how you can still meet your goals. Also, let your boss know that you will use your vacation time for any days that you need to take off for...
Since I started supporting those going through the divorce process, I have been amazed at the extremes I have witnessed. Some clients start out pursuing an amicable termination of marriage only to be drawn into a high conflict situation by their soon-to-be-ex. Others are extremely angry when they first reach out but find healing through the process and work together toward reasonable settlements over time. Then, of course, there is everything in between.
I knew I needed more training to support those going through high conflict divorce. I was fortunate enough to attend one of Bill Eddy's live trainings when he came to Cleveland several years ago. He is an authority on managing high conflict personalities through the divorce process, and I have several of his books on my shelf that I refer to regularly.
In the latest edition of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or...
What is a gray divorce?
Gray Divorce is not a new term and has been used in the United States since 2004. But gray divorce has been used more commonly in recent years as the divorce rate for those 55 and older has been on the rise. The term was originally coined “gray” divorce to signify a group of older adults who may have gray hair that are getting divorced.
A True Act of Love
In a Facebook group that I am a part of, someone commented that people over 55 should not get divorced. They should just stay together for the rest of their lives since they are already middle aged. What’s the point of starting over at that age? The comment upset me as I don’t think people should simply stay together because of their age, and I have seen gray divorces where the couple is very respectful and loving toward one another. It’s a true act of love where the couple is setting each other free to live his/her best life!
I have worked with hundreds of people...
To ensure a smooth divorce process, some people think you need to have the best lawyer, a negotiation coach, or for your ex to give you everything you asked for without question. And while those things will make the divorce process easier and more pleasant, they only come after having this one thing under control.
When I work with couples, the most successful clients are organized clients. They are on top of their paperwork, they have all of their documents prepared and ready to go, and they have double-checked that they have everything they need.
If you aren’t organized, a whole host of headaches could pop up. You could be treated to additional back-and-forth with your lawyers (which means more billable hours used), delays, or even possibly having to go back to court to have your separation agreement revised. What’s more: if it isn’t corrected, you wouldn't get your retirement settlement. It isn’t as simple as just knowing an account number: you have to be...
There are many factors to consider when putting together a financial settlement agreement, but one of the things that’s come up recently among my clients has been refinancing your house as part of your divorce financial settlement. (Enough so that I did a Facebook Live on the topic.)
There are two main things to consider when agreeing to anything, but especially when agreeing to a financial settlement that has pretty serious consequences if you’re no longer able to uphold your end of the deal.
First thing’s first… You have to make sure it’s actually realistic and that you A) can refinance on your own and B) are able to do so within the terms of the agreement.
Some of the language I’m seeing lately has been around the time limit for refinancing. In some cases, there are some pretty serious consequences if you aren’t able to — in some cases, I’m seeing as little as 30 days for refinancing. So,...
I have worked with a lot of women and couples through the years as a divorce financial planner and mediator, and I truly believe that you can thrive after divorce. I have seen it first hand, both watching the people I’ve worked with and having been through it myself!
If there’s one thing that’s a common factor between all successful mediations and divorce cases, it’s this: you have to cut through the noise to reach your own internal guidance system and build up your confidence in yourself.
Before, during, and even after a divorce, we get so overwhelmed with input from so many places that we lose touch with our intuition. The reality is that no one knows what you’re going through except for you. There are people who are more trained and qualified to offer assistance, but only you know what’s right for you.
How do you cut through the noise to hear yourself again? These three tips will help you prepare yourself well so you can once more trust in...
When going through a divorce, you hear a lot of myths. Unfortunately, because you may be hearing the same ones repeated from a few sources, it can seem like they’re more truth than myth. These proclamations of how things “always are” or “never are” can be terribly scary, too. In a time when you’re already going through a lot, you don’t need more stress on your plate.
These five divorce myths have been cropping up a lot between some of my clients, so I wanted to take a moment to play Divorce MythBusters and talk through why these are myths and the truth of the situation instead.
The Truth: It will save you time and money to hire a professional who is specialized in divorce-related financial issues.
One of the biggest issues I see most often comes from attorneys who aren’t family law attorneys. Similarly, there’s false information given from...
The time before your divorce is full of anticipation. It’s also full of lots of questions and uncertainty. If you’re anything like me, I wasn’t sure where to turn to find answers. The reality is that everyone’s experience is unique, although the general themes of what to prepare and what you should know before your divorce is fairly similar.
Earlier this year, I posted this question to a group of divorced and soon-to-be divorced people. I asked, “What do you wish you knew before your divorce?” I got so many responses, I couldn’t fit them into one blog post! (The first post here is full of information about health and other insurance, the process, and few other questions.) So, this second post is a companion to that one to prepare you even more for what a divorce may bring.
The issue of higher education expenses varies greatly from family to family. In addition, college tuition varies by state. Often,...
When I think back to the time during and even before my divorce, there was so much I didn’t know. I felt unprepared. Even though I knew I could navigate this new set of unique challenges, I wish I had someone to tell me what to look out for.
The same doesn’t have to happen to you! I’ve collected a few of the most popular things I’ve heard other women say they wished they knew before their divorce to compile this post. If you’re finding yourself in the same situation, hopefully, this guidance will bring you some information and inspiration.
As a financial advisor, I didn't even know this, so you aren’t alone if you’re uncertain about what to do when it comes to insurance.
When this happened to me, I assumed that, because I paid my insurance premium for the whole month, I’d have insurance for the whole month. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. Coverage ends upon the day of your divorce. Had I...
There are few people in the world who can truly say that they love paperwork. Unfortunately, the whole divorce process creates an abundance of it, and if you aren’t organized, it can really cost you a lot of money. That’s on top of the stress and anxiety that could appear when you can’t find a particular document you need to send to your attorney or mediator. Trust me, that is the last thing you need while you’re going through a divorce!
The reality is that some people treat their divorce papers like they do their taxes. You can’t just put everything in a shoe box, drop it to your attorney or mediator, and let them figure it out. Well, you can, but that will cost you so much in billable hours. Instead, sit down with your divorce financial advisor, get yourself organized, and then bring it to your attorney or mediator.
In case you can’t tell, staying organized throughout the divorce process is beyond essential! Here are four simple ways you can...