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5 Divorce Myths to Stop Believing (And What to Know Instead)

When going through a divorce, you hear a lot of myths. Unfortunately, because you may be hearing the same ones repeated from a few sources, it can seem like they’re more truth than myth. These proclamations of how things “always are” or “never are” can be terribly scary, too. In a time when you’re already going through a lot, you don’t need more stress on your plate.

These five divorce myths have been cropping up a lot between some of my clients, so I wanted to take a moment to play Divorce MythBusters and talk through why these are myths and the truth of the situation instead.

Divorce Myth #1: I pay for an attorney, I don’t need specialized financial support.

The Truth: It will save you time and money to hire a professional who is specialized in divorce-related financial issues.

One of the biggest issues I see most often comes from attorneys who aren’t family law attorneys. Similarly, there’s false information given from...

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5 (More) Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce

The time before your divorce is full of anticipation. It’s also full of lots of questions and uncertainty. If you’re anything like me, I wasn’t sure where to turn to find answers. The reality is that everyone’s experience is unique, although the general themes of what to prepare and what you should know before your divorce is fairly similar.

Earlier this year, I posted this question to a group of divorced and soon-to-be divorced people. I asked, “What do you wish you knew before your divorce?” I got so many responses, I couldn’t fit them into one blog post! (The first post here is full of information about health and other insurance, the process, and few other questions.) So, this second post is a companion to that one to prepare you even more for what a divorce may bring.

How to Handle College Tuition

The issue of higher education expenses varies greatly from family to family. In addition, college tuition varies by state. Often,...

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5 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce

When I think back to the time during and even before my divorce, there was so much I didn’t know. I felt unprepared. Even though I knew I could navigate this new set of unique challenges, I wish I had someone to tell me what to look out for.

The same doesn’t have to happen to you! I’ve collected a few of the most popular things I’ve heard other women say they wished they knew before their divorce to compile this post. If you’re finding yourself in the same situation, hopefully, this guidance will bring you some information and inspiration.

What To Do About Health Insurance

As a financial advisor, I didn't even know this, so you aren’t alone if you’re uncertain about what to do when it comes to insurance.

When this happened to me, I assumed that, because I paid my insurance premium for the whole month, I’d have insurance for the whole month. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. Coverage ends upon the day of your divorce. Had I...

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4 Ways to Stay Organized Throughout the Divorce Process

There are few people in the world who can truly say that they love paperwork. Unfortunately, the whole divorce process creates an abundance of it, and if you aren’t organized, it can really cost you a lot of money. That’s on top of the stress and anxiety that could appear when you can’t find a particular document you need to send to your attorney or mediator. Trust me, that is the last thing you need while you’re going through a divorce!

The reality is that some people treat their divorce papers like they do their taxes. You can’t just put everything in a shoe box, drop it to your attorney or mediator, and let them figure it out. Well, you can, but that will cost you so much in billable hours. Instead, sit down with your divorce financial advisor, get yourself organized, and then bring it to your attorney or mediator.

In case you can’t tell, staying organized throughout the divorce process is beyond essential! Here are four simple ways you can...

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Could You Benefit from Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is a unique approach to helping couples decide what they should do about their marriage. While traditional couples’ therapy typically has an end goal of saving the marriage or saving the relationship, discernment counseling allows couples to work through different processes and determine if staying together is the right choice. 

Irreconcilable Differences

Perhaps one of the biggest reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. This is a common cause and probably one of the hardest hurdles to get over for people who are trying to save a marriage. If your partner is unwilling to work with you to even determine whether divorce is the right choice, discernment counseling might be the best way to go.

There are many issues that come up in marriage, from family life to finances and other stressors. Whether you and your partner handle these the same way can have an impact on the success of your marriage. If you feel your marriage is heading toward...

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7 Issues That Could Signal an Impending Divorce

Over the years of working with people going through a divorce, I've heard repeatedly that one of the parties was blindsided by the other spouse's request for a divorce. With that said, a relationship headed for an impending divorce will often show multiple signs of challenges and issues, if you're paying attention. 

7 issues that could signal an impending divorce:

1. You feel emotionally detached from your spouse.

One of the most frequent complaints is that love has faded.  Know that it's normal for relationships to change over time. Your love will also change. The first feeling of romance will turn into a deeper kind of love. However, it shouldn't disappear. A relationship that has lost its love altogether is in danger.

2. Mutual resentment has reached high levels.

Anger and resentment can do immense damage to a relationship. If you both resent each other, then it's a strong sign the marriage is in trouble.

3. You or your spouse criticize the other all the time....

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My Husband Wants a Divorce - What Should I Do?

If your husband asked for a divorce, you are likely experiencing a lot of different emotions. Take a step back and breathe. It might not feel like it right now, but you are going to be okay.

The first thing you should do is start taking really good care of yourself. This may seem like a strange recommendation, but when difficult things happen in our lives, it's easy to put self-care on the back burner. This is when we need it the most! 

Related Post: 30 Journal Prompts to Help You Through Your Divorce

Emotionally Preparing for a Divorce

Give yourself time to process your feelings. If you want to try to work on your relationship before moving forward with terminating the marriage, you need to be as clear-headed as possible. If your spouse is adamant that they want to end the marriage and are not interested in trying to improve things, you are going to need a clear head to make all of the big decisions that will be coming your way.

I always encourage...

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30 Journal Prompts to Help You Through Your Divorce

I have journaled off and on since I knew how to write. Journaling helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Whether you've journaled previously or not, the action of putting pen to paper is an extraordinarily beneficial way to improve your life. Journaling is an effortless way to change your life when it feels like nothing is going right.

Discover what’s important

When you free write, you end up writing about the things that are most important to you. They may be things that you don’t even think of as that important but looking back over your writings later will give you a strong inclination of what you find the most rewarding in your life. For example, if you find yourself coming back to the idea of starting your own business over and over again, it’s evident that it’s a dream that’s important to you. When your life is in chaos, you have less to lose, and you might decide to go for it and see what happens.

divorce journal prompts

Note your accomplishments

We...

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How to Prepare for Divorce: Divorce Advice for Stay-At-Home Moms

Preparing for a divorce is a lot more than just picking up the phone and calling an attorney. There are the emotional aspects, financial, legal, and, of course, there are parenting issues. It means figuring out what life is going to look like when it's all said and done and includes preparing your children for the transition. For the stay-at-home mom, there are additional concerns around income. 

How to Prepare for Divorce for Stay-At-Home Moms

Contents:

Emotional Preparation

Financial Preparation

Legal Preparation

Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

 

For more information about preparing for divorce, check out our book: When It's Just Not Working: A Practical Divorce Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms.

 

how to prepare for divorce stay at home mom

Emotional Preparation

When you realize that your marriage is over, it's normal to feel a variety of emotions. Over time, you'll experience all of the stages of grief. You'll be grieving not only the loss of your relationship but also the loss of the dreams that...

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How to Prepare for Mediation: Divorce Mediation Checklist

In my online course, "How to Prepare for Divorce," I go in-depth on how to prepare for divorce and mediation, specifically, if that's the process you choose to use. At a high level, here is a brief divorce mediation checklist to help you prepare for your first appointment.

Divorce Mediation Checklist: Questions for the Mediator

Make a list of questions that you have for the mediator. Before agreeing to use the mediator, both you and your spouse should have an opportunity to speak with him/her. You'll want to ask about:

  • Mediator's experience
  • Cost of mediation/fees
  • Availability for meetings
  • Experience mediating the specific issues that will be dealt with in your divorce

divorce mediation checklist

Divorce Mediation Checklist: List Your Concerns

Make a list of all of your concerns. You may not address them in your first appointment but it's important to start writing them down. To keep yourself organized, try to cluster your concerns about a specific topic. For example, make a list of all of the concerns you...

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