I have worked with a lot of women and couples through the years as a divorce financial planner and mediator, and I truly believe that you can thrive after divorce. I have seen it first hand, both watching the people I’ve worked with and having been through it myself!
If there’s one thing that’s a common factor between all successful mediations and divorce cases, it’s this: you have to cut through the noise to reach your own internal guidance system and build up your confidence in yourself.
Before, during, and even after a divorce, we get so overwhelmed with input from so many places that we lose touch with our intuition. The reality is that no one knows what you’re going through except for you. There are people who are more trained and qualified to offer assistance, but only you know what’s right for you.
How do you cut through the noise to hear yourself again? These three tips will help you prepare yourself well so you can once more trust in...
Your first Christmas or holiday after your divorce is going to be different. I still remember my first Christmas. I struggled to keep my routines as close to “normal” as possible, especially for my then-toddler. It’s a special circle of emotions that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
So, my friend, if you’re going through this, I really feel for you right now. It will get better (I know, it doesn’t feel like it, but I will) and hopefully these resources for getting through your first holiday after divorce will help.
Being kind to yourself can be so hard right now. Lots of “failures” are playing on repeat, so it’s easy to sit with that all day long and think that you yourself are one of them. I promise, you are not. If you need to show yourself some self-care right now, here are 4 ways to be kind to yourself when dealing with a breakup.
I turn to journaling when...
Dealing with a breakup or divorce is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Worries weigh heavily on your heart, then you get angry, then incredibly sad - all within a matter of minutes. I know they certainly did when I was going through my divorce. One minute, I was fine; the next, I was beating myself up like my own worst enemy.
Going through these emotions is normal (although not incredibly productive) and you will start to feel the emotional waves lessen over time. As you are dealing with a breakup, here are five mindset shifts to adopt to help ease the emotional strain that you’re feeling right now.
When it feels like you have nothing else to lose, let it all go. Let go of the pain and hurt and “shoulda, woulda, coulda” that takes over. These negative emotions are like a lead balloon that keeps you tethered to trauma.
Shift your mindset to openness. The more you practice opening yourself to healing, your mind will...
Starting over financially after divorce can feel overwhelming on numerous levels. If you are recently divorced, you could still be handling your legal bills related to the divorce. Besides, you are likely trying to manage your expenses on a lower income than what you're used to while only seeing half your assets when you open your investment statements.
If you walked away from your marriage with debt, look at ways to reduce your interest rates or reorganize to eliminate it. If you can't eliminate it right away, begin paying it down aggressively. Your monthly cash flow will be so much stronger if you're not paying down debt every month. When I am working with people on their divorce settlement, we often look for creative ways to eliminate the debt for both parties so they can each have a fresh start.
Related post: Debt and Divorce:...
It's that time of year again where many of us are considering how we might be better or do better in the new year with New Year's resolutions. If parenting with your ex has been a significant struggle in your life, I want to challenge you to resolve to be a better co-parent this year. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your children.
Divorce not only takes a toll on the divorcing couple, but it also affects the rest of the family. This is especially evident if you have young children. Even though it's tough to hide the negative feelings that surface during a divorce, it's extremely important that you work at managing those feelings constructively if you don't want them to affect the kids.
Avoid the mistake of believing that your adult problems are too complicated for your children to understand. Although young children may not understand words like "irreconcilable differences," they're very intuitive and impressionable. Even babies can tell when their parents are at...
If it's your first Christmas after your divorce and you are feeling sad or lonely or even angry, that's completely normal. Feelings often intensify around the holidays.
I remember my first Christmas after my divorce well. My ex and I didn't have a lot of conversation regarding how it was going to go. We didn't have a plan. Our divorce was still relatively new, and we were barely on speaking terms at the time.
I was overwhelmed by simple things like getting the tree and other decorations out of the basement without my ex to help.
No matter the circumstances, divorce is one of the most traumatic events you can go through in your adult life. The impact of divorce on your psyche could have you gearing up for a Christmas in the dumps. It t doesn’t have to be that way, though. Here’s how to make your first Christmas after divorce feel like something special again.
I have journaled off and on since I knew how to write. Journaling helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Whether you've journaled previously or not, the action of putting pen to paper is an extraordinarily beneficial way to improve your life. Journaling is an effortless way to change your life when it feels like nothing is going right.
When you free write, you end up writing about the things that are most important to you. They may be things that you don’t even think of as that important but looking back over your writings later will give you a strong inclination of what you find the most rewarding in your life. For example, if you find yourself coming back to the idea of starting your own business over and over again, it’s evident that it’s a dream that’s important to you. When your life is in chaos, you have less to lose, and you might decide to go for it and see what happens.
Going through a divorce is hard but the transition doesn't end when the divorce is settled and the papers are signed. The negotiations are over but there are still many changes to face. I don't know about you but it took me years to process this major life change.
When you begin life after divorce, sometimes you just need a reminder that you are amazing and you can get through this. Here are 21 quotes to remind you of just that.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” – Roy T. Bennett
“Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.” – Michelle Obama
"When we deny our stories, They define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending." – Brené Brown
"Throw us an obstacle and we grow stronger." – Brad Henry
“I have not ceased being fearful, but I...
When I was dealing with my breakup, I felt a wide range of emotions - everything from sadness to shame to anger and back again. Sometimes in a matter of minutes. On my best days, I wasn't being very kind to myself and on my worst days, I was my own worst enemy.
When you're dealing with a breakup, some days are just plain rough. Maybe you didn't sleep well and you start the day off grumpy and things only get worse from there. You spill your coffee on yourself on the way to work or the traffic’s terrible. You’re late for your meeting, no time for lunch and you wish you’d spent the day in bed.
When you are already emotional from the changes in your life, every little thing that goes wrong can feel much bigger than it is. If you’re having a terrible day, stop for a minute, take a deep breath and take some time out to be kind to yourself. You can’t undo the bad things that have already...
If you are struggling financially after a divorce, you're not alone. Going from one combined household to two separate ones is expensive regardless of your income or divorce settlement. With a little focus, though, you should be back on track in no time.
Consider the following steps to recover your financial situation more quickly.
The most important thing that you can do is to prioritize improving your financial situation. Sure, you may recognize that your finances are not what they once were, but if you don't take the steps to change your situation, you'll find yourself in the same spot months or even years from now.
Decide to start immediately. You'll thank yourself later.
Once you've made improving your financial situation a priority, it's important to know where to start. Take the time to write down all of your...