Last night I was at my mom's house with my three kids. We were all sitting around watching a movie after dinner and my ex and I were texting about the kids' schedule for Monday. I asked if he wanted to join us for the movie and to my surprise, he did. Three years ago when we were in the midst of our divorce, I never thought this would be possible in a million years. That said, I cannot begin to tell you how happy it made me that we could all share in this simple pleasure together as a family. For that reason, it is my pleasure to share this important post on how to help your children cope with divorce by guest blogger, Deborah Bankhead.
As hard as a divorce can be on the separating partners, it can be even harder on any children involved. As a parent, it’s up to you to soothe some of their turmoil.
Here are some tips to help you make the adjustment as easy as possible for everyone.
1. Let Them Keep Both Parents
You want your kids to feel as if they’re still part of one...
by Guest Blogger, Joanna Hardis, LISW (originally published on joannahardis.com)
Are you suffering from the pain of infidelity? Do you feel lost? Unanchored? Confused? Like you’re just not good enough? Well, you’re not alone. And there is hope.
Last month, I attended an all-day workshop with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel, entitled “Healing from Infidelity.” Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. She helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Not only is her voice mesmerizing, but she’s also very witty, incredibly smart and generous with her knowledge.
When Perel asked how many of us in the audience had been touched by infidelity, hands shot up across the entire room. This closely mirrors my clinical experience working with men and women in all...
If you have found your way to my blog, I'm guessing your marriage did not go as planned. Let's face it, in life, there are a lot of things that don’t work out as planned. One of the most trying examples is when you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, and subsequently, file for divorce. Divorce can take a significant financial and emotional toll on a couple, their children, and other family members. In the midst of immediate financial and legal concerns, couples also need to consider ways to help protect their individual financial futures and that of their children’s in the event of death. This brings me to our topic of life insurance and divorce. Life insurance may offer a solution.
While I always bring up the topic of life insurance during the course of mediation, I find that few want to have an in-depth conversation on the topic. Let’s take a look at several different scenarios. After a divorce,...
I often find myself sitting in mediation with couples who are looking for guidance when it comes to creating a parenting plan. The beauty of mediation is that you can create a parenting plan that is going to work best for your children and your family. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. That said, there are certain elements that, from a practical standpoint, you may want to address. Here is a parenting plan checklist of items to consider.
Related post: What is Divorce Mediation?
Before I get ahead of myself, what is a Shared Parenting Plan? It's a written document that details how you will co-parent. If you take the time to think through future parenting challenges that may arise, it can take a lot of stress out of co-parenting. It's like a guidebook that you created for yourselves. When we discuss your plans for shared parenting in mediation, you can determine how detailed to get. There is a Shared Parenting Agreement...
Worry over financial decisions is normal on an average day but when going through a divorce, it can be paralyzing. The fear around these issues is completely warranted. You only have one chance to get it right and your divorce could quite possibly be the largest financial transaction of your life - not to mention the fact that you are likely overwhelmed by emotions related to all the changes happening in your life.
One way to handle the financial fears is to take control over your situation. Did you know that you don't have to divide your assets 50-50 right down the middle when you get a divorce? In fact, you may not even want to! If it's not simply 50-50 then how do you divide assets in a divorce?
One way to have greater control over how assets are divided in a divorce is to consider alternatives to the traditional litigation process. An important benefit of processes such as mediation and collaborative...
Dividing pensions in a divorce can be confusing. For starters, some clients that I see are often confused (even after negotiating their divorce settlement) regarding what type of retirement account(s) that they have. In this blog, I am referring specifically to defined benefit plans. Defined benefit plans are retirement plans where the employee spouse has earned a monthly benefit, which will be paid out once s/he retires. In some divorce cases, the employee spouse and his/her former spouse agree to divide the future benefit via a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).
Unfortunately, most settlement agreements that I see where pensions were divided do not adequately address the options allowed by the defined benefit plan. To be clear, the options are not consistent across all plans. Thus, it does take some research to know what the options are before they can be considered. The easiest way to avoid some very common mistakes is to request a copy of the plan summary document and...
Divorce is difficult and emotional. It’s not something that people decide on a whim. It’s important to do your research and explore all your options to create a secure financial future for yourself. Hiring a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) before you begin your divorce process is a smart choice as it can help ease some of your stress.
A CDFA can help alleviate the fear of the unknown. S/he will prepare a financial plan for you based on various scenarios, giving you a greater sense of confidence (or at least a reality check) when it comes to your financial future.
Let's face it. Many of us could use a little help when it comes to understanding our finances. We are usually somewhat aware of the day-to-day finances but what about the other components? Retirement accounts, stock-based compensation, home...
by Guest Blogger, Denise French, CRPC, CDFA
February is known as “Divorce Month” and kicks off what is known as “Divorce Season.” Do you know your divorce options?
The holidays are over; the decorations are down, and now it’s back to reality. Unfortunately, the truth is you and your spouse face another difficult, unhappy Valentine’s Day, which will likely be followed by another awkward, angry summer vacation. Then the holiday grind all over again. You don’t want to do this another year. You had a terrible holiday season, and now you feel like you are starting this all over - and you just can’t do it anymore.
So, what do you do?
This is the time to do some soul-searching.
You once loved your spouse; you chose this person for a reason. Is there work you can do to rekindle that feeling? Feelings follow actions. If you can act again like you did when you were dating, your feelings will...
Parenting is a tough job in the best of circumstances. Shared parenting after a divorce is a whole different ballgame. When I first went through my divorce, dealing with the most basic kid issues felt like preparing for battle with my ex again and again. It was exhausting. Quite frankly, I did not want to contact him every time I received information from the school or one of the kids was invited for a playdate or any other issues that regularly arise.
I first learned about OurFamilyWizard at a conference for divorce financial analysts, and as soon as I started learning about the features and benefits, I was sold. (Please note, while I promote very few services, this post does include affiliate links.) I was further impressed by how widely the courts accept the app.
OurFamilyWizard is an app that is designed specifically for people like you who are co-parenting with their ex....
Divorces have a reputation for being messy and pitting couples at each other’s throats. Much of the controversy surrounding divorces stem from the allocation of assets and other financial concerns. You can reduce the associated stress when you use a Financial Neutral in collaborative divorce cases.
A collaborative divorce is a divorce process where each party is represented by an attorney that has been trained in the collaborative process but rather than taking a specific position, the parties and their attorneys work together to come up with solutions that are in everyone’s best interests. There is an agreement not to go into litigation. If the collaborative divorce doesn’t work out, then the parties can choose to go for litigation but are required to hire new attorneys that were not involved in the initial collaborative agreement. That’s a big incentive for everyone to keep moving forward toward an agreement.
As part of the...