Discernment counseling is a unique approach to helping couples decide what they should do about their marriage. While traditional couples’ therapy typically has an end goal of saving the marriage or saving the relationship, discernment counseling allows couples to work through different processes and determine if staying together is the right choice.
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. This is a common cause and probably one of the hardest hurdles to get over for people who are trying to save a marriage. If your partner is unwilling to work with you to even determine whether divorce is the right choice, discernment counseling might be the best way to go.
There are many issues that come up in marriage, from family life to finances and other stressors. Whether you and your partner handle these the same way can have an impact on the success of your marriage. If you feel your marriage is heading toward...
Over the years of working with people going through a divorce, I've heard repeatedly that one of the parties was blindsided by the other spouse's request for a divorce. With that said, a relationship headed for an impending divorce will often show multiple signs of challenges and issues, if you're paying attention.
One of the most frequent complaints is that love has faded. Know that it's normal for relationships to change over time. Your love will also change. The first feeling of romance will turn into a deeper kind of love. However, it shouldn't disappear. A relationship that has lost its love altogether is in danger.
Anger and resentment can do immense damage to a relationship. If you both resent each other, then it's a strong sign the marriage is in trouble.
If your husband asked for a divorce, you are likely experiencing a lot of different emotions. Take a step back and breathe. It might not feel like it right now, but you are going to be okay.
The first thing you should do is start taking really good care of yourself. This may seem like a strange recommendation, but when difficult things happen in our lives, it's easy to put self-care on the back burner. This is when we need it the most!
Related Post: 30 Journal Prompts to Help You Through Your Divorce
Give yourself time to process your feelings. If you want to try to work on your relationship before moving forward with terminating the marriage, you need to be as clear-headed as possible. If your spouse is adamant that they want to end the marriage and are not interested in trying to improve things, you are going to need a clear head to make all of the big decisions that will be coming your way.
I always encourage...
I have journaled off and on since I knew how to write. Journaling helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Whether you've journaled previously or not, the action of putting pen to paper is an extraordinarily beneficial way to improve your life. Journaling is an effortless way to change your life when it feels like nothing is going right.
When you free write, you end up writing about the things that are most important to you. They may be things that you don’t even think of as that important but looking back over your writings later will give you a strong inclination of what you find the most rewarding in your life. For example, if you find yourself coming back to the idea of starting your own business over and over again, it’s evident that it’s a dream that’s important to you. When your life is in chaos, you have less to lose, and you might decide to go for it and see what happens.
Preparing for a divorce is a lot more than just picking up the phone and calling an attorney. There are the emotional aspects, financial, legal, and, of course, there are parenting issues. It means figuring out what life is going to look like when it's all said and done and includes preparing your children for the transition. For the stay-at-home mom, there are additional concerns around income.
When you realize that your marriage is over, it's normal to feel a variety of emotions. Over time, you'll experience all of the stages of grief. You'll be grieving not only the loss of your relationship but the loss...
In my online course, "How to Prepare for Divorce," I go in-depth on how to prepare for divorce and mediation, specifically, if that's the process you choose to use. At a high level, here is a brief divorce mediation checklist to help you prepare for your first appointment.
Make a list of questions that you have for the mediator. Before agreeing to use the mediator, both you and your spouse should have an opportunity to speak with him/her. You'll want to ask about:
Make a list of all of your concerns. You may not address them in your first appointment but it's important to start writing them down. To keep yourself organized, try to cluster your concerns about a specific topic. For example, make a list of all of the concerns you...
Are you planning to get a divorce? Here is a Preparing for Divorce Checklist so you don't forget to tend to these important matters.
Even if you have not shared your passwords with your spouse, they likely know you well enough to guess your passwords better than anybody. Update all of your passwords to something that your soon-to-be-ex will not be able to guess.
It is not uncommon for married couples to share (formally or informally) an email address. As you move from a joint identity to a separate one, it's important for you to be able to use email freely. This is often a cost-effective method of communicating with your attorney.
Credit Karma is a free resource you can use to monitor your credit report. It also allows you to monitor your credit score. As you review your credit report, make sure there are no surprises. If there is anything that...
I find myself supporting quite a few stay-at-home moms with their divorces. I think that's because stay-at-home moms know with absolute certainty that they cannot afford to make costly financial mistakes in their divorce settlements. When you don't have your own income and your income is entirely dependent on someone else, you can feel extremely vulnerable when going through a divorce.
Beyond merely being vulnerable, many stay-at-home moms feel real barriers to getting the advice they need when going through a divorce, especially those who do not have access to money of their own. Here are some professional tips for stay-at-home moms.
On television, it all seems to happen quickly - there's no time for preparing for divorce. One partner walks in the door and announces, “I want a divorce!” The other couple has a big fight, and one of them says, “That’s it! I’m filing for divorce!”
In many “real life” instances, divorce is more of a slow burn. Sure there are those times when spouses angrily separate and one or the other moves out. However, in many cases, you see it coming, sometimes years in advance.
Because of this, you want to take the time to be financially prepared – especially if you’re the one initiating the divorce from your spouse.
Every divorce is unique, but there are certain documents and financial paperwork required when you’re filing, whether you’re using a divorce mediator or working with attorneys. It’s wise to get your financial house in order and gather required documentation before you reach out...
Divorce is expensive. I've heard that the national average is around $20,000-25,000. Transitioning from marriage to divorce is hard enough without the hefty price tag. However, if you look at search engine traffic, a lot more people are searching for how they can protect their money in a divorce rather than how they can save money on the divorce process itself.
Saving money on your divorce does help to protect your money in a divorce as long as you are still getting sound professional guidance. You don't want to cut corners that are actually going to cost a lot more in the long run.
This means putting your emotions aside and having good, honest communication. The more you can decide on together, the less you will have to pay professionals. If you are not getting along well when you speak to each other, you may have better luck over email or text. Just make sure you are keeping it positive. If...