Divorce and the Holidays: A Survival Guide

The holidays during or after a divorce are hardest the first year, and they get easier. What helps most: agree the schedule with your co-parent early rather than in December, decide in advance what you will say to family so you are not improvising over dinner, keep the traditions that still work and let go of the ones that don't, and make a plan for the days you will not have your children rather than letting them arrive unplanned.

Dealing with a divorce is difficult no matter the time of year, but the holidays compound it. It means more time with family who may or may not be on board with a significant change in your life. It means hearing opinions you did not ask for, even when they are well meant. It can also mean missing traditions you love.

From someone who has been there: it does get easier. The first holiday season during or just after your separation is by far the hardest.

How do divorced parents split the holidays?

This is the practical question underneath most of the stress, and it is much easier to settle in September than in the third week of December.

Four arrangements come up most often:

• Alternating years. One parent has Thanksgiving in even years and the other in odd years, and the same for Christmas or whichever holidays matter to your family. Simple, predictable, and the child gets a whole unhurried holiday with one parent.
• Splitting the day. Morning with one parent, afternoon and evening with the other. It keeps both parents in the day itself, but it means a handoff in the middle of it, which can be hard on younger children and on whoever is driving.
• Fixed assignment. One parent always has Christmas Eve, the other always has Christmas Day. Predictable year to year, and each household builds its own tradition around its half.
• Two celebrations. Each parent holds their own celebration on separate days. Children generally like this more than adults expect them to, and it removes the clock-watching entirely.

Whatever you choose, get it into the parenting plan in writing, including who handles travel and what time handoffs happen. Holidays are the single most common thing parents return to mediation over, precisely because they were left vague.

Six things that help

1. Take care of yourself

Recognize that it's a difficult time of year and take extra good care of yourself. Eat well, get exercise, and make sure you are getting adequate sleep. All of these put you in a better position to handle the stress.

2. Do something nice for yourself

At the holidays we tend to think about others more than ourselves. If you are having a hard time, do something for you. Get a massage. Go out to dinner with a friend. Take a bubble bath. Money is often tight during a divorce, and you don't have to spend much to do something kind for yourself. The money side of the holidays is worth planning deliberately rather than improvising.

3. Make a plan for the conversations

Decide how you are going to talk about your divorce before the subject comes up. Be thoughtful about how much it makes sense to share. It's fair to assume that whatever you say will find its way back to your ex, which is a useful filter for how you say it. We go into this properly in talking to your family about your divorce.

4. Be flexible about your children

Flexibility matters, especially with children involved. Remember that they want to spend time with both parents. If you aren't with your kids on the 25th, plan a special celebration for when you are. You don't have to give anything up. You rearrange it.

5. Don't spend it alone

With everything changing, it's easy to cocoon at home and avoid family and friends. Resist that. Reach out to the people who care about you and will be supportive.

6. Establish new traditions

Sometimes divorce means divorcing some friends as well, particularly if you and your ex shared all of them. If you have always done everything together, it may be time to start something new. You're in the driver's seat.

Setting boundaries with family

The relatives are frequently harder than the schedule. Opinions about your marriage, questions you don't want to answer, and invitations that assume last year's arrangement.

You are allowed to decline, to leave early, and to not explain yourself. Holiday boundaries after divorce covers how to hold that line without a scene.

Is this your first holiday on your own?

Don't let your emotions get the best of you. If this is your first holiday season as a single person, expect some ups and downs. You are still grieving, and that is appropriate rather than a failure.

Do what you can to think forward rather than dwelling on the past. What have you always wanted to try and never had time for? The first Christmas after divorce has its own particular weight, and it is worth reading if that is the one in front of you.

If you are struggling, consider a support group so you can meet others facing the same thing. And if you need someone else's words when you have run out of your own, we keep a collection of divorce quotes for the holidays.

Frequently asked questions

How do divorced parents split Christmas?

The common arrangements are alternating years, splitting the day between morning and evening, fixing Christmas Eve to one parent and Christmas Day to the other, or holding two separate celebrations. There is no single right answer, but whichever you choose should be written into the parenting plan with specific times.

How do I get through the first holiday after divorce?

Settle the schedule early, decide in advance what you'll say to family, plan something for the days you won't have your children, and keep the traditions that still fit while letting go of those that don't. The first year is the hardest and it does get easier.

What do I tell my family about the divorce over the holidays?

As much as you want to and no more. Decide before you arrive, keep it short, and remember that anything you say will likely reach your ex. You do not owe anyone a full account at the dinner table.

Should divorced parents spend the holidays together?

Some families do it well and children usually love it. It requires genuinely low conflict, and it is worth being honest about whether that describes you. A tense shared celebration is harder on children than two separate calm ones.

How do I handle holiday spending after divorce?

Set a number before you shop, and resist the urge to out-spend your co-parent. Children remember the day, not the receipts. There is more on this in our holiday spending guide.

You don't have to do this one alone

If the schedule is the problem and you and your co-parent cannot agree on it, mediation can settle it faster and far more cheaply than a December court filing. If the harder part is emotional, divorce coaching is built for exactly this.

Good luck this holiday season. You are not alone in it.

More on the holidays after divorce:

• Your first Christmas after divorce
• Holiday boundaries: protecting your peace
• Financial self-care during the holidays
• Talking to your family about your divorce
• 21 divorce quotes for the holidays
• Helping kids through divorce
• Co-parenting after divorce

Last reviewed: August 2026