Your First Christmas After Divorce: How to Get Through It

The first Christmas after divorce is the hardest one, and it helps to expect that rather than be blindsided by it. Set your expectations low, decide the schedule with your co-parent in advance, keep the traditions that still feel right and replace the ones that don't, and give yourself permission to find parts of it difficult. Feeling sad, lonely, or angry this year is not a sign you are doing it wrong.

If it's your first Christmas after your divorce and you are feeling sad or lonely or even angry, that's completely normal. Feelings often intensify around the holidays.

I remember my first Christmas after my divorce well. My ex and I didn't have much conversation about how it was going to go. We didn't have a plan. The divorce was still relatively new and we were barely on speaking terms.

I was overwhelmed by simple things, like getting the tree and the decorations out of the basement without my ex there to help.

Divorce is one of the most disruptive events you can go through in adult life, and its weight lands hard in a season built around family. It doesn't have to define the whole thing, though. Here's what helps.

Set expectations low on purpose

Even people who are not going through a divorce hold unrealistic expectations of the holidays. After a divorce those expectations can climb higher still, as though a good Christmas would prove something.

Your holidays will likely be nothing like they were when you were married. Naming that in advance means you get to be pleasantly surprised rather than quietly devastated.

Try to get into the spirit of it where you can. And know that you have every right to be a bit Grinchy this year.

Plan the schedule before December

If your divorce involved children, the holidays need more planning than they used to. Splitting the day can be stressful for kids, so it's worth thinking through what will actually be easiest on them rather than what feels most equal to the adults.

Nobody expects you to host Christmas morning with your ex in your first year. It might be something you work toward, or it might never be right for your family, and both are fine.

If you have a court order that specifies holidays, follow it. Most orders include language allowing you and your ex to vary the arrangement if you both agree. Our holiday survival guide compares the four common ways parents split the day.

Start new traditions

Your first holiday after a divorce is a good moment to establish new traditions. Doing everything exactly the way you always did, minus one person, tends to feel hollow. Think about what would make this holiday feel like something rather than about what's missing from it.

If you always went on a hayride with your in-laws, or drove around looking at lights with a hot drink, letting those go is a real loss and worth acknowledging as one. With kids, you might keep some of the old traditions and add new ones alongside. The new ones become something that belongs only to your household, and they give everyone something to look forward to.

Do the thing you never got to do

Have you wanted to spend the holidays somewhere warm? Or serve at a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve? If those were off the table before because of your spouse's preferences or family obligations, this is the year.

Planning something in advance gives you something to move toward as the date approaches, which is worth a great deal when the season otherwise feels like something happening to you.

Lean into the people who show up

Spending time with people who care about you makes a real difference in a hard season. Family, chosen family, extended family. Being around people who love you makes it easier to breathe and to enjoy the parts that are still enjoyable.

For some families that means travelling. Budgets are often tighter than usual after a divorce, and that is worth being realistic about. If seeing the people who fill your cup will genuinely help, though, it may be a cost worth planning for deliberately. There's more on holding that line in our holiday spending guide.

Steer clear of the unsupportive ones

Most of us have people in our lives who never quite have anything supportive to say. You are allowed to avoid them this year. Give yourself the time to feel steady before you take on anyone else's opinions about your marriage.

If avoiding them entirely isn't realistic, holiday boundaries after divorce covers how to hold the line, and talking to your family about your divorce covers what to actually say.

Look after yourself, gently

Grief is physically tiring, and the holidays add to it. The things that help most are unglamorous: sleep, some movement in the day, time outdoors, and not being alone with it all the time.

Be kind to yourself about the rest. This is not the year to hold yourself to a strict standard about food or exercise or how festive you are managing to be. Eat the cookie. Go for the walk if it helps and skip it if it doesn't. Getting through your first Christmas after divorce is enough of an achievement on its own without adding rules to it.

If you find yourself struggling more than you expected, that is worth taking seriously rather than pushing through. A support group or a divorce coach can make a real difference, and journal prompts help some people put words to it.

Frequently asked questions

Why is the first Christmas after divorce so hard?

Because the holidays are built around a family structure that has just changed, and every tradition is a reminder of it. The first year has no template. You are improvising a season that used to run on autopilot, often while grieving and while managing a new schedule.

How do I get through Christmas without my kids?

Plan the day rather than letting it arrive. Make arrangements with people who care about you, or do something you genuinely want to do. Plan your own celebration with your children for a day you do have them. An unplanned empty day is far harder than a different one.

Should I keep our old family traditions?

Keep the ones that still feel good and let the rest go without guilt. Children often adapt to new traditions more easily than parents expect. What they notice is whether the adults are all right, not whether the schedule matches last year.

Is it normal to feel angry at Christmas after a divorce?

Yes. Anger is a common part of grief and it tends to surface at exactly the moments you are supposed to feel warm and grateful, which can be confusing. It is not a sign that you are handling this badly.

Should I spend Christmas with my ex for the kids?

Only if you can both do it calmly. Children generally love it when it works, and find it harder than a straightforward separate celebration when it doesn't. Be honest with yourself about which one this year would be.

It gets easier

The first one is the hardest. That is not a platitude, it is the pattern almost everyone reports, and it was true for me.

Wishing you a peaceful one this year.

More on the holidays after divorce:

• Divorce and the holidays: a survival guide
• Holiday boundaries: protecting your peace
• 21 divorce quotes for the holidays
• Helping kids through divorce
• Dealing with a breakup: 4 ways to be kind to yourself

About Intentional Divorce Solutions

At Intentional Divorce Solutions, we're committed to guiding individuals through the complexities of divorce with an approach centered on empowered choices and respectful outcomes. Our team provides support and expertise in several key areas:

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Last reviewed: August 2026