Tips for Your First Christmas After Divorce

If it's your first Christmas after your divorce and you are feeling sad or lonely or even angry, that's completely normal. Feelings often intensify around the holidays.

I remember my first Christmas after my divorce well. My ex and I didn't have a lot of conversation regarding how it was going to go. We didn't have a plan. Our divorce was still relatively new, and we were barely on speaking terms at the time.

I was overwhelmed by simple things like getting the tree and other decorations out of the basement without my ex to help.

Related post: 6 Survival Tips for Dealing With Divorce Over the Holidays

No matter the circumstances, divorce is one of the most traumatic events you can go through in your adult life. The impact of divorce on your psyche could have you gearing up for a Christmas in the dumps. It t doesn’t have to be that way, though. Here’s how to make your first Christmas after divorce feel like something special again.   

Realistic Expectations for Holidays 

Even those who are not going through a divorce can have ridiculously high expectations for the holiday season, but your expectations may get even higher after a divorce. It’s important to remember that your holidays will likely be nothing like they were when you were married. Setting your expectations low for the holidays will allow you to be pleasantly surprised when things start getting better. 

Try to get in the spirit of the holidays, but keep in mind that’s not everything, and you have the right to be a little Grinchy this year! 

Do It For the Kids 

If your divorce involved kids, it’s likely a little messier than just going your separate ways. You’ve probably already realized you’re going to have to learn to co-parent (barring some circumstances). Good co-parenting becomes even more important at the holidays. Since this is your first holiday season after divorce, nobody expects you to host Christmas morning with your ex-spouse or Chistmas Day with you in-laws, it might be something you want to work toward. Splitting holidays can be extremely stressful for kids, so try to keep that in mind when planning Christmas with your ex. If you can get along and stand to be in the same room for a few hours, you might decide to do it for the sake of the kids. 

If you have a court order that details holidays, it’s important to remember to follow that. Keep in mind, though, that most court orders have language in them that allows you and your ex-spouse to change things around if you both agree on it! 

Related post: How to Help Your Children Cope with Divorce

Start New Holiday Traditions 

Your first holiday after a divorce is a great time to establish new traditions. It can feel empty to try to do the same things the way you usually do them without your ex. Think about how you could make this holiday special rather than focusing on what's missing.

If you always went on a holiday hayride with your ex and your in laws or you enjoyed a piping hot drink while driving around looking at lights, it can be hard to let go of these traditions. If you have kids, you might choose to keep some of the old traditions, but make sure that you’re taking the time to make new ones. These new traditions can be something special that only you do, and they will allow you to make new memories and give your kids (and yourself) something to look forward to during the holiday season.

Do Something You’ve Always Wanted

Have you dreamed of flying to the beach for the holidays? Or serving in a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve? If your spouse held you back from those things in the past, now’s the time to start doing them! Take your first Christmas after divorce as a time to do something you’ve always wanted to do but never could with your spouse in tow because of their opinions, family obligations, or other issues. Planning something like this in advance of the holidays will give you something to truly look forward to as Christmas draws nearer. 

Related post: Dealing With a Breakup: 4 Simple Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

Lean Into Family Your First Christmas After Divorce

If you are navigating your first holiday season after divorce, spending time with the people who care about you can make a meaningful difference. Leaning into your family member support system, or even your extended family, can help you feel grounded and connected when emotions run high. Surrounded by people who love you, it becomes a little easier to take a deep breath and enjoy the moments that make this season special.

This can also be an opportunity to create new traditions. You might find joy in decorating with your kids in your own way or joining extended family for a festive gathering that looks different than years past. These small shifts can remind you that holiday joy is still possible, even when life has changed.

For some families, connection means traveling. Budgets may feel tighter than usual right now, and that is absolutely understandable. Still, if seeing loved ones will fill your cup and support your healing, those expenses may feel worthwhile. A thoughtful holiday plan that includes the people who show up for you can help you step into the season with more hope and a little extra light.

Related post: Talking to Your Family Members at the Holidays About Your Divorce

Stay Away From Unsupportive People

We all have those people in our lives who never have anything supportive to say. Steer clear of those folks on the first Christmas after your divorce. Give yourself time to feel stable and secure in your new situation. 

Keep Up With Your Self-Care Routine 

Just because it’s your first Christmas after divorce doesn’t mean you have to give in to the holiday temptations! Don’t gorge yourself on Christmas cookies and put off your exercise routine because you’re too busy enjoying your Christmas. By keeping to your exercise and dietary routine throughout the holidays, you’ll continue feeling good about yourself, especially if you’ve been working really hard on your health since your divorce. While it’s acceptable to indulge in the occasional cookie and dessert at the holidays, stay aware of what you’re eating and make sure that you’re still trying to stay as healthy as possible.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

Related post: 30 Journal Prompts to Help You Through Your Divorce

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At Intentional Divorce Solutions, we're committed to guiding individuals through the complexities of divorce with an approach centered on empowered choices and respectful outcomes. Our team provides comprehensive support and expertise in several key areas:

• Divorce Financial Planning and Analysis: Providing in-depth financial insights and strategies for a secure future post-divorce.
• Divorce Mediation: Facilitating respectful and balanced negotiations to reach mutually beneficial resolutions.
• Divorce Coaching: Offering personalized support and guidance to help you navigate through emotional and practical challenges of divorce.

Please Note: We focus on providing support and solutions in various aspects of divorce. However, we are not attorneys and do not offer legal advice.

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