The Power of a Pivot

Think about a pivot.  It means to suddenly turn in another direction.  It is not a slow, meandering curve; it is sharp and quick.

A pivot demands presence. It calls for quick thinking, trust in your instincts, and a willingness to leave behind the familiar. Whether it’s a physical shift on the mat or a major life decision like divorce, the pivot represents a moment of choice.

You can hesitate and lose balance, or you can realign and move forward with intention.

Learning to Pivot from the Mat

I became acutely aware of the pivot in Taekwondo class.  My instructor yelled at me to “Pivot, Ms. Darby, pivot!” at least five times every class, as I was trying to perfect a side kick.

When Your Heel Isn’t in Alignment

The trick was to balance and then swivel on the ball of your foot 180 degrees so that you could snap a powerful, aligned kick that could break a pine board. I would swear my heel was pointed in the right direction, but he saw things differently.  I was not in alignment with my target, and therefore my kick lacked the proper power.  Not only wouldn’t the board break, it could also lead to injury.

Life Lessons from 21 Major Pivots

Lately, though, I was pondering all the other pivots I have made in my life.  I counted 21 major pivots to date.  These included having to suddenly switch college majors, leave a toxic boyfriend, relocate for my (then) husband’s career, navigate divorce, switch up my career, attend graduate school (twice)—and eventually become a divorce coach—because things needed to be realigned.  Whether due to newfound self-respect (in the case of the boyfriend), career circumstances (mine or my husband’s), or educational requirements for a new career, I needed to make a fast change to stay true to myself at the time. 

Divorce: The Ultimate Pivot

This was all a lead-up to the whole new set of pivots I needed to make during my divorce.  As a divorce coach, I know firsthand this enormous bamboozlement of swift, sharp changes in direction nearly brought me to my knees.  I was able to get back on my feet, so to speak, because I had learned the art of the pivot.  The secret is to recognize when it is necessary and then change direction decisively.  There is no hesitation in the pivot.

The alignment is where the power resides.

Realigning After Divorce

Divorce itself requires many pivots.  There is the new reality that life is going to look completely different.  I had to adjust to being single, independent, making it on my own.  There was the financial aspect of divorce. I had to pivot on creating a new career (I took my lemons and made lemonade—this led me to my career as a divorce coach and mediator, helping others navigate their own post-divorce pivots). I had to learn how to network effectively, and as an introvert. 

I found independence in alignment.

Finding Home and Lightness Again

I had to say goodbye to the house I loved and find an apartment that I could afford and feel safe. Although I had moved many times while married, it was different to move by myself after divorce—a perspective I now share as a divorce coach when helping clients through similar transitions.  I decorated my new place exactly the way I wanted to.  I took 12 carloads of stuff to Goodwill because I was drastically downsizing.  I don’t miss any of it.

I discovered lightness in alignment.

Releasing Relationships That No Longer Fit

I had to let go of some couples friendships and find new soul sisters that were mine alone after divorce. This pivot led to wonderful, fun, supportive friendships, and it’s something I encourage as a divorce coach when clients are building their post-divorce support circles. 

I found happiness in alignment.

Navigating the Dating Pivot

Dating was a huge pivot.  My ex was only my second major relationship; we met when I was 18 and a sophomore in college. We were together for 29 years total, married for 25.  I had to figure out the new dating rules, and I wasn’t that thrilled with the pool of possible suitors. I did get good at spotting narcissists and other red flags, as well as qualities I liked in a potential partner. 

Eventually, I settled into the single life, very content with my new friends, dwelling, career, and sometimes dating.  I became very comfortable with myself over time.

Life gifted me contentment and ease in alignment.

Key Takeaways from a Life of Pivots

Here are the key points of the pivot:

1. Pivots are fast.  Change direction when you need to, decisively.

2. The power of the pivot is in the alignment. A change in direction is needed when circumstances change, such as after divorce, or something shifts within yourself, and you need to be true to that.

3. Balance is needed. When life gets too unbalanced, you may need to pivot—something I often discuss in my work as a divorce coach with clients seeking a fresh start.

Who Helps You Pivot When It Counts?

Now, you probably don’t have someone yelling at you to pivot when life demands it. The consequence of executing a misaligned pivot, or not pivoting at all, results in being out of alignment with what is needed, being off-balance, and even getting hurt emotionally.

 But what if you had someone who could help you decide when a pivot could be needed and useful?  Maybe this person could even help you strategize on how to pivot in the most balanced, powerful way?

Maybe someone like a divorce coach, who specializes in guiding people through the emotional, practical, and strategic pivots that divorce demands?

A Divorce Coach Can Be Your Guide

A divorce coach, just much like my Taekwondo instructor, helps you stay aligned while navigating each pivot that comes with divorce. A divorce coach won’t yell at you, but she will ask powerful questions to help you make connections between ideas, dive deeper into yourself for your truth, role play scripts for difficult conversations, and be a guide through the “thick of the ick” that is divorce.

If you are needing support and guidance related to divorce, whether you are contemplating and dealing with feelings of guilt and fear; at the very beginning, overwhelming stage; in the middle where you can’t see an end in sight; or even post-divorce and are now adjusting to coparenting or all the other changes in your new chapter, give me a call.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Take the first step toward clarity and confidence. Schedule a free call with me and let’s talk about how divorce coaching can help you pivot with purpose…

Meet the Author

Liesel Darby is an ADR Certified Divorce Coach who brings empathy, structure, and objectivity to every client she supports. She guides individuals through “the thick of the ick” and helps them create a life where they can truly thrive.

👉 Schedule a complimentary call with Liesel