by Laura Miolla, Certified Coach, Mediator and Parentology Coach
Infidelity is a LOADED word. You think you know what it means. You might know how it feels. You definitely don’t want it to happen to you. The very thought of it creates an immediate knee-jerk reaction of fear and anxiety. Like most people, you probably define infidelity as cheating … sexual relations outside of the marriage … and yet, that definition only scratches the surface of what infidelity REALLY is and how it can sabotage your marriage.
Infidelity is defined as “the action or state of being UNFAITHFUL to a spouse.” And there are THREE types of infidelity, not just one: Emotional, Physical and Financial.
Discernment counseling is a unique approach to helping couples decide what they should do about their marriage. While traditional couples’ therapy typically has an end goal of saving the marriage or saving the relationship, discernment counseling allows couples to work through different processes and determine if staying together is the right choice.
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. This is a common cause and probably one of the hardest hurdles to get over for people who are trying to save a marriage. If your partner is unwilling to work with you to even determine whether divorce is the right choice, discernment counseling might be the best way to go.
There are many issues that come up in marriage, from family life to finances and other stressors. Whether you and your partner handle these the same way can have an impact on the success of your marriage. If you feel your marriage is heading toward...
Over the years of working with people going through a divorce, I've heard repeatedly that one of the parties was blindsided by the other spouse's request for a divorce. With that said, a relationship headed for an impending divorce will often show multiple signs of challenges and issues, if you're paying attention.
One of the most frequent complaints is that love has faded. Know that it's normal for relationships to change over time. Your love will also change. The first feeling of romance will turn into a deeper kind of love. However, it shouldn't disappear. A relationship that has lost its love altogether is in danger.
Anger and resentment can do immense damage to a relationship. If you both resent each other, then it's a strong sign the marriage is in trouble.
Telling parents about divorce can be hard enough. I have seen the tension in a divorce increase too many times as a result of meddling family members or friends. During the holidays, we tend to interact with family members and friends more than we do all year long, so there is even more opportunity for meddling than there typically is.
From my professional experience, it is so hard to watch when a couple has committed to handling their settlement in a mature and amicable way, but someone gets in one of their ears and tears the whole thing apart.
When I sit down with my clients who are going through mediation, I always encourage them to keep the conversations that happen in mediation in the mediation room. I know that when you're emotional, you may want to vent to a friend or a family member. However, divorce is a difficult process for everyone who is involved, and a meddling family member can make it even more complicated.
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