Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce finance and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention.
Leah Hadley [00:00:24]:
Hi there and welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. I am so happy that you are here with us today, and I'm a very special guest. This is my friend, Barry Lyman. Barry and I just met in October of 2025, but we became very fast friends. I think what she does for people is amazing. And so I am so thrilled to have her on the show today to really share her brilliance. And where Barry really shines is understanding how to have healthy relationships. And I know many of the women that I work with when they're going through their divorce or maybe a year or two after their divorce, are looking at dating again and often experiencing a lot of frustrations when it comes to kind of reentering that world.
Leah Hadley [00:01:11]:
So Bari is really going to break it down for us and help us think about how do you really get ready to find that real, true soulmate? So thank you so much for being here with us, Barry. It is such a pleasure.
Bari Lyman [00:01:23]:
Oh, Leah, thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy we became friends and connected, really helping people. Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:01:30]:
Yeah, me too. So, Bari, this is a very interesting space that you work in. And I'll be honest, when I first heard what Bari did, I thought kind of like dating coach. And I was just kind of like, that didn't mean a lot to me. But when I got to know the way that Bari works with people, I realized that it was really much more in depth than I had ever even thought was available to people. So tell us a little bit about kind of how you got into the work you're doing and how you support people.
Bari Lyman [00:01:58]:
Oh, yeah, that's a great question. I got into this because I was walking in the shoes of people that were having this problem. I, from the very beginning, was a relationship challenged. No matter what I did, regardless of how self aware I was, I kept attracting men who were emotionally unavailable to me. And it was hard and it was really painful. But the good news is that I was able to break through that, doing the inner shifts that we'll talk about today and have a plan to find sweet love that makes life better. And it is so much better, as you know.
Leah Hadley [00:02:40]:
I do. And if you all get a chance to see some of the testimonials that Bari has on her website and on her social media the impact that she has made made in people's lives. When you do find this sweet love, it really is life changing.
Bari Lyman [00:02:57]:
It totally is. We're really born to receive, but unfortunately, most of us don't learn how. And as a matter of fact, we do. And we repeat what we learned from our childhood love school teachers who often should not have been accredited. Right. Like, we learn the wrong things that bring more of the past, and we don't want to do that. We want to honor the past, but we definitely want to be future focused and bringing in what we actually will need. That's so healing.
Leah Hadley [00:03:39]:
Yeah, absolutely. So how do people start to get ready for love?
Bari Lyman [00:03:44]:
The first thing that a person wants to do is you want to decide that finding good love, sweet love, healthy love is something that you want because unfortunately, most people just don't believe it exists because they've been hurt. They've been hurt in childhood, they've had relationship trauma, they've had financial trauma, you know, and that's your specialty. So once you decide, and this is what happened to me when I hit bottom I ended it with the last person I was in a relationship with and that was so painful, I didn't say no more, no men ever again. I said something different. I said, how do I do this? Right. Because I didn't want to be alone. So learning how to believe and saying yes to love, yes to connection is the first thing because it's being real and it's being vulnerable.
Bari Lyman [00:04:45]:
You might not know how, but admitting it is the very first thing.
Leah Hadley [00:04:50]:
Yeah, that's powerful. And I think that's really true. You know, moving toward anything you really want in life. Right. Is really setting that intention and getting very clear about what you want so that you can take the action to really make it happen for yourself. Right?
Bari Lyman [00:05:05]:
That's right. Because most people, what they do is they're giving the universe, like, mixed messages, right. There may be dabbling or trying throwing a, you know, throwing up a profile and not liking online dating or. But deep down, they have a fear of being hurt again. And if you have fear of being hurt again or you have abandonment issues, you know, what do you think comes back at you energetically and practically. Right?
Leah Hadley [00:05:36]:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Bari Lyman [00:05:37]:
Yeah. You get men who'll hurt you, who won't see you because we can't be seen. So there's some beautiful transformation that we can do that will just change everything. And don't worry, it doesn't take years. It's not like analyzing the past forever. It's really about understanding new things that you don't know that will totally free you up, shift your energy, and it's fun.
Leah Hadley [00:06:01]:
And, you know, that is one of the most fascinating things that I find about the work that Bari does, because so many of the folks that she worked with may have tried years of therapy or other kinds of programs, or there's a lot of frustration that has mounted over the years. But, Bari, you've really found a way to kind of shortcut the process. So what's next in terms of really getting ready for love?
Bari Lyman [00:06:25]:
Right? So the first thing you want to do is get real and vulnerable about love. Admit that you want it. The second thing we want to do is learn how to stop repelling love. Right. Mostly, you know, we want to look good, we want to be seen, we want people to like us. But there are things going on under the surface that I call blind spots that we're not aware of that actually repel it. And it's very similar with money, because I'm in your money course this week, this month, the challenge.
Bari Lyman [00:07:01]:
And so when a person says, I'm fine alone and I don't need anyone, well, guess what? You don't get one. Right? You definitely don't get someone good. So it really is about understanding the energy and the language and the ability to receive really good love. Because most of us, we are doers, givers, people pleasing, just being so in charge. But receiving love is really about opening your heart and being in a different head space. So we have to learn what that looks like and welcome it.
Leah Hadley [00:07:43]:
You know, I think that's really interesting to hear you talking about it, because I'm just thinking about kind of the difference between my first marriage and my current marriage. And, you know, it's easy to blame the other person, right. When you are in a difficult relationship. But when I think about it, the fact of the matter was, in my first marriage, I wasn't in the head space to truly, honestly receive love. Looking back at it and how much healthier my relationship is now that I've changed and evolved over the years, it's really a powerful shift.
Bari Lyman [00:08:16]:
Totally. And I was with Leah. She was here. She was visiting, Right. And it was so sweet. Her husband texted her, like, a love note, how much he misses her and how home is not the same without her. So I want you to know that it doesn't matter how many bad relationships you've had or what you perceive is a problem. I have a client who found sweet Love, she's in a wheelchair.
Bari Lyman [00:08:44]:
I have someone who thinks she needs to lose 20 pounds. I have someone who thinks she's in the wrong area. I have some like. But you know what? When you make up your mind and we clear the space and you have strategy, you can't wish this into existence. Right. It's layers. It's heart set, mindset and skill set. And you could totally have it if you have to be.
Bari Lyman [00:09:07]:
Again, with intentionality.
Leah Hadley [00:09:11]:
Yeah, absolutely. Now, there are so many people out there who tell me these horror stories about online dating. But what I love about the live that you just did was that you pointed out. So Bari does a weekly live show and I'll be sure to include in the show notes a link to that so you can check that out. But what Bari was talking about was, you know, the same challenges exist regardless of kind of how you meet somebody. Right. And so Bari talk a little bit about that.
Bari Lyman [00:09:41]:
Right. So most people think they would rather meet someone organically because at least they could see the person and they're more likely to be a better fit and it feels safer. But here's the thing. In my experience, it's not the method. It's not the method, whether it's online or offline, because it's your energy is what's bringing forth those matches. So I can tell so many stories. Someone met someone, you know, in person, and the person, after three months, they ghosted, her story after story.
Bari Lyman [00:10:24]:
Someone met someone online, same kind of thing, breadcrumbs. So it has nothing to do really with the method. It's really more about being ready. And there's a difference between being available and being ready. Like, being available is you put yourself out there, you do this, you do that. But being ready is having the inner space for love to thrive. It's being free and clear of emotional incompletions. And it's having this understanding of your true needs in a relationship with.
Bari Lyman [00:10:58]:
Most people have a checklist. They don't know what their needs are. So these are things that when we put it together, it's like a whole empowered way of being. It's not about, God forbid. Like, some coaches are like, oh, you got to flirt more, you got to be more feminine. And it's not true. Your person will love you just the way you are.
Bari Lyman [00:11:22]:
And I know that Leah knows that from her marriage. And I helped 800 and like 32 people who are in sweet relationships. So it really is like the place to look is inside ourselves in a good way. Not a shame based way, but in a way that we're curious and willing to change, remove barriers. Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:11:47]:
So, Bari how do you help people get ready?
Bari Lyman [00:11:50]:
Yes. So I give people what I call a clear path to healthy love. And that's what we want. We want a clear path because the past has been not a clear. It's been a rocky, rocky road. I had so many very disappointing, frustrating relationships that, you know, that just supported my own kind of brokenness. That's really the truth. So.
Bari Lyman [00:12:18]:
So in order to get ready, we do it in two phases. And the first phase is called be the one. And it's where we set an intention, look at the foundation for healthy love, and have a new context to live by. Because just like with wealth, you need to have a wealth mindset. We need to look at our accounts. We need to know what we're spending on. We need to make intelligent choices. We need to invest correctly.
Bari Lyman [00:12:46]:
And it's the same thing with love. So we have a new foundation. We clear emotional incompletions. We learn what our true needs are. We reconcile what happened to us in the past. Whereas most people just, oh, I forgive my parents, or I've analyzed the past. Well, that didn't leave me very satisfied. It just was not enough.
Bari Lyman [00:13:14]:
So what we do, instead of looking back, we look forward and we design. It's like instead of an archaeological dig, we're new construction.
Leah Hadley [00:13:25]:
That's a great analogy. I love that.
Bari Lyman [00:13:27]:
Right? My husband coined that phrase.
Leah Hadley [00:13:30]:
Nice, right?
Bari Lyman [00:13:31]:
Because he was watching all the years of the success. He's like, that's what you're doing. So once we have reconciled that and layer by layer, clear the inner space, and I call that bye bye blind spots. And instead of operating from past trauma or a wounded kid. Right. Then we have new embodiment language, new skills. And then we design the future. And that's all of phase one.
Bari Lyman [00:14:07]:
That's be the one from that place. That's what I call readiness, true relationship readiness. And then we do what everybody wants. Where they want to start is called dating camp. And that's empower dating, where we do everything. Dating mindset. Learn how to invite in the right people to have a profile that has language that invites in the right people. In our dating camp last night, one of the ladies was saying, yes, someone wrote to me and he said, look, I read your profile and I don't have any of the qualities that you want, but I thought it was a really good one so we didn't have to waste time.
Bari Lyman [00:14:46]:
Isn't that cool?
Leah Hadley [00:14:47]:
That's so interesting. Absolutely.
Bari Lyman [00:14:50]:
Yeah. So it invites in the right people and it's super fun. You learn the share and ask method. You learn how to date from curiosity. So the whole process is whole and complete and that is why. And the first phase we do in like four weeks. And we have a mini program called LoveReady that's a four week intensive. So it's really thinking from a place of reason, being open, being clear, like layer by layer.
Bari Lyman [00:15:20]:
And it's fast and effective.
Leah Hadley [00:15:22]:
That's what I love. It's fast and effective. I am all about efficiency, even when it comes to love. So I think that's fantastic. Absolutely.
Bari Lyman [00:15:31]:
Yes, definitely. It's just really fun to see people who are so stuck. I have a client, she's an attorney, and when she started, she's like, I'll never get married again. And she was harsh. She was harsh. She had a harsh childhood, she had a harsh marriage. And she had to be the mother, the father, the lawyer.
Bari Lyman [00:15:55]:
So she had to learn how to like, open up and receive and trust. Now she's in the sweetest relationship. She's like, you know, we talk about, he wants me by his side. We talk about a wedding in the garden. And she was worried that her success was going to, like, be off putting, but this person's like a hundred times more successful than her.
Bari Lyman [00:16:20]:
So it's so beautiful. We can be taken care of. We can feel safe, we can feel taken care of financially. And you could still be successful in your business. It's not one or the other.
Leah Hadley [00:16:35]:
I love that you pointed that out, Bari, because so often people feel like they have to put all of their energy into one particular area of their life, and that means that they're letting something else go. So talk a little bit more about kind of how that people balance that out.
Bari Lyman [00:16:52]:
So I believe, and I teach my clients that you can have it all, that you win. Everything works out for me, I can have it the way I wanted. Because the liturgy about love is. It's hard work. You have to compromise, you have to settle. Don't let someone see that you're so successful. It'll make him feel small. So not true.
Bari Lyman [00:17:19]:
A man who's whole and a woman, who are in their greatness, in their empowerment. Understand that you have different roles and different identities. And one of you could be a mom, you could be a business professional, you could be all these things and have the inner space to go home and have someone to be with, to share your day with, to cuddle with, to plan with. Who's going to be your biggest cheerleader and supporter. I know my husband is that for me.
Bari Lyman [00:18:01]:
He edits my videos because he loves it. He's like, that's your best one that. I'm so happy for her. So you don't need to trade off. You don't need to diminish yourself in any way. As a matter of fact, your man is gonna love you for you and be so proud of you. And I know you have that too.
Bari Lyman [00:18:22]:
Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:18:22]:
And that's exactly it. When you were talking, I was thinking about how much a supportive partner, a healthy relationship really enhances your ability to be even more present in all other areas of your life because you're now working in partnership. Right. It's not like you're giving up. It's like enhancing. Right?
Bari Lyman [00:18:43]:
It totally is. Because you have someone. It's not to be like corny, but like wing beneath my wings. Right. That when we are nourished and we're able to receive and we feel seen and loved and connected and understood, we can be even greater because it's together that we can actually rise up even more that we can actualize our visions than doing it alone. Because alone, it's one level. But that interrelatedness is completely healing of the past.
Bari Lyman [00:19:28]:
It's amazing. Feels good.
Leah Hadley [00:19:29]:
It is amazing. And I want people to know where they can follow you online. And I'll tell you why. I always ask this question of people I'm interviewing. However, I'm asking it Bari specifically, because my own experience following Bari on social media, you get to hear all of these amazing testimonials of these people's lives who have completely transformed. And if you are somebody who is in the dating world right now and you're feeling frustrated or struggling, I mean, like, I'm not dating and I still get inspired by her stories. So, Bari, where can people follow you online?
Bari Lyman [00:20:05]:
Okay. So they can follow either on Facebook at Meet to Marry or on Instagram at Bari Lyman Love. And that's where we put up the events and the success stories and testimonials. And I have something special coming up that might be interested in. So on February 18th, I'm doing a very special 90 minute workshop, and it's called Three Mistakes That Keep You Stuck, whether you date online or organically and how to finally break free. And we're going to be covering, you know, why you think that they are the problem, but it's really about how your patterns follow you everywhere.
Bari Lyman [00:20:51]:
And dating before you're truly ready. I'm walking you through a 10 question readiness diagnostic that you'll be able to see specifically for yourself what areas need to be transformed and then also about not having a strategy and what it looks like to go from mystery dating to empower dating. So I think that your listeners are going to really love it because then you could stop attracting the wrong people.
Leah Hadley [00:21:22]:
Absolutely. So we will be sure to include a link to to register for that workshop in the show notes as well. So if that's something that is of interest to you. And Bari, if people can't attend live, if they register, will they get a recording?
Bari Lyman [00:21:37]:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:21:38]:
So make sure you register even if you can't attend live so you can still get that recording.
Bari Lyman [00:21:43]:
Exactly. You'll get the diagnostic tool and then you'll be in my world.
Leah Hadley [00:21:49]:
Fantastic. Bari, thank you so much for being with me today and for sharing your insights with our audience. I really appreciate it.
Bari Lyman [00:21:56]:
Thank you so much for having me.
Leah Hadley [00:21:57]:
My pleasure. And for our listeners, thank you so much for being here with us today and we will see you next week.
Leah Hadley [00:22:05]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
