Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce finance and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention.
Leah Hadley [00:00:24]:
Hi there and welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. You caught my episode. It was a couple episodes again, and we'll be sure to link it in the show notes, but I recently did an episode breaking down the financial lessons from Belle Burden's memoir, Strangers. If you haven't heard about Strangers, it is a number one best selling book from the on the New York Times bestseller list. And so she's been all over the news. There's been a lot of conversation. And I talked about the book from a financial perspective. And honestly, I could have gone on for a whole hour about it.
Leah Hadley [00:00:59]:
I think there's a lot to talk about there. But. But today I want to go into, like, a deeper piece or kind of a different layer of the story, if you will. Because while the financial piece is absolutely important, it just doesn't happen in a vacuum. And behind every woman who ends up feeling financially invisible in her marriage, there's a human story. Right. About communication, about identity, about the quiet ways that a relationship can kind of unravel over time. And so I brought the perfect, perfect person on to talk about this story.
Leah Hadley [00:01:34]:
Welcome, Liesel. Liesel Darby is, as many of you know, a divorce coach and a mediator with us at Intentional Divorce Solutions, and she works every day with women who are navigating exactly what Belle shares in the story. So thank you for being here. Lisa, welcome.
Liesel Darby [00:01:53]:
Oh, yeah, thank you. I was looking forward to this.
Leah Hadley [00:01:55]:
Absolutely. And as soon as I got done reading the book, I, I was talking to Liesel about it and I was like, lis, you have to read this book. So, Liesel, what did you think? What kind of jumped out at you from the story?
Liesel Darby [00:02:07]:
Oh, the thing that jumped out most is like, this is so sad that this is the story of so many women that we know.
Leah Hadley [00:02:13]:
Yeah.
Liesel Darby [00:02:13]:
You know this. So. So Belle took the step to actually write it down and put it out into the world. And now there's discussions around it. But we've been having discussions with women for years around this very kind of thing.
Leah Hadley [00:02:31]:
Absolutely. And you know, it's at every income level. Right. There are definitely people out there that are talking about this being the story of a wealthy family, a wealthy woman, and there are certainly experiences that are unique in her story that you know, certainly based on her social circles that she experienced. But the story itself is. Is just like you're saying, Liesel, it's actually a very common one. And I think it was so brave of her to. To be willing to vulnerably share it because now it really has pushed this conversation to the light.
Liesel Darby [00:03:03]:
Yeah. I was struck by her vulnerability in this, and probably even more so because she is in those wealthy circles. You know, in the book, she talks about how, when. When she would, you know, when she's going through this process and she's talking to the people in the country club. Right. About what's going on and the different reactions that people were having. And she was. She was intentionally having some distance from that because she was.
Liesel Darby [00:03:33]:
She was observing how people were responding to that. And it was either one of two things. Either they came up and gave her a hug and said, I had no idea. I'm so sorry, I'm here for you, or they ran the other way. And I think I told you. My, my suspicion is that I think a lot of people who were running the other way probably had something going on in their own marriage around the same thing. That's been my experience, my personal experience when I was going through my divorce is the ones who backed away and cut off contact. They ended up divorced later because I think it's just.
Liesel Darby [00:04:12]:
It just shows your cracks knowing you are now a threat. But she showed tremendous openness and a willingness to take some punches as going when she was going through this. And she was not hiding it, but she was not running from it either. And I give her full credit for that because that takes some courage.
Leah Hadley [00:04:31]:
Absolutely. And I thought it was really fascinating how she really shared about various interactions. Right. Like, at every level, interactions that she had, obviously, with her own children, but interactions with, you know, her social circle, her neighbors, family members. These are issues that anybody who's going through a transition like this are dealing with at some level. Right. And I know when people are coming to you for coaching, this is obviously a topic that comes up a lot. How, how do I deal with this situation or that situation? So, Liesel, what tools would you share with our listeners who might be thinking about some of the things that Belle was really struggling with in the book?
Liesel Darby [00:05:14]:
Get support. Number one is, you know, this is our whole thing, right. Is you don't have to do this alone. Right. So get support. And support can look in many different ways. It can be, know who your friends are. No, you know, trusted family members that you need to share this with.
Liesel Darby [00:05:33]:
It might be a therapist, it might be a divorce coach, it might be, you got to let your financial person know what's going on. I mean, there's all kinds of people that, that can support you. But I also want to say use discernment. Yes. Right. And and I've told people this before, like when we were doing a group thing, you know, the thing was that, yeah, first of all, you're going to tell your friends and your family. That's who you usually run to first. But I'll tell you that they only have bandwidth of so much.
Liesel Darby [00:06:04]:
They want to be there for you, they want to be in your corner, they want to support you. But, you know, there are people who have other things going on in their life as well, and you might have to talk about it so much that they're going to get tired of listening to you talk.
Liesel Darby [00:06:21]:
It's just the way it is. And the other thing too is you have to watch out about as much as they love you and they're in your corner, that can actually be a detriment to you. When you go to start doing negotiations or trying to figure out how do we move forward in the best interest of our family, of our kids, you might have people saying, don't give him anything. Take him for everything he's worth. He, you know all this stuff. And that's not helpful when you are actually in the process of disentangling your marriage. Okay. But that being said, absolutely.
Liesel Darby [00:06:52]:
Let your friends know, your trusted friends, your girlies, the ones who have been there for you through thick and thin. Tell your safe people in your family that you feel like will have your back. You're gonna find out who your friends are in this process. That's just the way that the cookie's gonna crumble. But that's a good thing because you want to know who your friends are. You want to know who really has your back and who's just there for posing or for pictures or, you know, for, for gossip or for whatever it is. And you're gonna have people who are going to gossip about this. I was talking to one of my clients yesterday.
Liesel Darby [00:07:36]:
She was really upset that she knew when this come out, when this was going to come about her divorce, there was going to be a lot of gossip because they were high profile. And I just had to remind her that, yes, but the news cycle is so fast these days that you just don't. Just don't feed into it and it'll pass the next you know, crisis thing will pop up. And also that most people are way too into their own lives. That, yeah, you're going to be an interesting blip for a minute. But honestly, that's probably going to be about it. And the third thing is that why would you care, right? So a lot of this is going to be just a lot of discernment, right, about who. Who matters in my life? Whose opinion do I value? Whose opinion? Like, well, they're not doing me any good, so I'm gonna let that go.
Liesel Darby [00:08:30]:
So that's one of the things. One of the tools is get support. I think another thing. What else would I do? Because I think support goes. That covers such a large, you know, portion of this. The financial part, obviously, and the attorney part can go hand in hand. I think you have to know what you're dealing with.
Liesel Darby [00:08:53]:
You have to know what you're entitled to, right? That's one of the things that Belle, she had a prenup, right? She thought she was going to be okay. And then for some reason, he talked her out of her prenup five days before they got married. He had her change it. And because I think so often, we're like, oh, I don't want to make trouble here. This will make him happy. I'll just do what he says. We're going to be together forever. We love each other.
Liesel Darby [00:09:19]:
I don't want to rock the boat. So you might make some financial decisions that are not the greatest, but if it's done, it's done. But talk to a financial person and an attorney who can advise you on what your rights are, what you're entitled to, how you can work with what you have. And then the financial piece, Leah, like, you know all too well, is knowing
Liesel Darby [00:09:47]:
what's your life, what's your new life gonna look like once you get through the thick of the ick, right? Because I think a lot of women really. The money piece is what causes a lot of fear. And there's a lot of fear around many different things. But for many women, that is one of the biggest things is how am I gonna pay my bills? How am I gonna do I. Can I maintain my status quo here? Can I maintain my standing in the community? Can I maintain this house that I love so much, raised my kids in? What's going to happen to all that? And sometimes just having an honest conversation with a financial person who can kind of lay it all out and say, look, this. You're gonna you know, one way or the other, like you're gonna be okay or, well, you know, okay, this is what your reality is.
Liesel Darby [00:10:34]:
And you might need to go back to work or you might need to, you know, put a budget together maybe for the first time in your life. There's all kinds of things that working with a financial person can help you get answers to. And I always say fear is unanswered questions. So the more that you can get those questions answered, the better you will feel moving forward.
Leah Hadley [00:10:59]:
Absolutely. And, you know, I think one of the things that she really did so beautifully in the book was really talked about the different interactions and how sometimes the response on the other side of that interaction was exactly what she expected, and sometimes it was a very unexpected response. I think it's really important for us to remember that is a reflection of the individual you're interacting with and not a reflection of you and your experience and what you're going through.
Liesel Darby [00:11:28]:
Right.
Leah Hadley [00:11:28]:
They're reacting based on whatever else is going on in their world, in their life. Right. As well as, you know, people have different feelings about how marriages evolve over time. Right. And so all of that plays in to those different interactions.
Liesel Darby [00:11:46]:
Yeah, we talk about how your filter, you know, colors, how you perceive everything as you're going through life. And your filter can be anything from how you were raised, what your family dynamics were, how your parents marriage was, how your parents divorce might have been, any your friends, you know their breakups, what your expectations are for your marriage. I mean, come on, nobody gets married, walking down the aisle thinking, well, this doesn't work out, I'm out. You know, I hope nobody is that jaded and cynical these days. But for the most part, you know, we think, yeah, this is my person and we have each other's back and we're going to make it out through thick and thin.
Liesel Darby [00:12:32]:
And for a lot of people, you might have religious overtones on that too. Like in our religion, we do not condone divorce. And if you do, then you're shunned from the church or, you know, all these different things. Or maybe you grew up in a household where nobody's been divorced, you know, and maybe you think everybody has picture perfect marriages. And I'm always going to caution you, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors or there's expectations that, well, you know, must be your fault if it's not working, must be you.
Liesel Darby [00:13:07]:
And then if there's kids in the mix that can add another layer of complexity to this. Like, you have to stay together for the kids. Right. You know, don't break up their, their world. There's all kinds of things that we come forward with and you don't know how somebody's going to react to your news based on what their background is.
Leah Hadley [00:13:28]:
Yeah, absolutely. So for a woman who might be preparing to, like, maybe she's going back to church for the first time after people have heard about the divorce, or she's going to the club for the first time or whatever that kind of re entry looks like for the first time after her, you know, community may have heard about this change in dynamic. What do you recommend to kind of prepare for those moments?
Liesel Darby [00:13:53]:
Ah, you gotta shore yourself up. Yeah, you have to get grounded. Right. One of the things I, I tell people is you have to not care what other people are saying. You really can't. You have to focus on, you know, that you're doing what's best for you in the best way that you know how. And it doesn't. People are going to say whatever they're going to say you did, and you can't control it, first of all, so you, you just gotta let that go.
Liesel Darby [00:14:21]:
But this is where just having, even if you just have one good friend who you know will support you, or a divorce coach or a therapist, somebody lovely like that, who you can, you can talk through, like maybe make a plan. First of all, like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't just dive head into, I'm going to the bar Friday night, you know, the whole thing. If you don't, if you don't know what to expect or, or even like you said, going back to church and you know, how are you going to deal with people whispering or, or perceiving that they're whispering about you or looking at you or, you know, some of these things, you just talk it out first with somebody who, so even just kind of acknowledging that those things might happen will, will give you a step ahead so you can prepare mentally. Like, okay, if this happens, I'm just going to, I'm just going to smile like I normally do and go about my business here. Dating is just a whole other ball of worms.
Leah Hadley [00:15:27]:
You know, a lot of times we tell clients to have kind of in their back pocket whatever they want to say, whatever that line is that they kind of want to lean on as that response. So that way they are prepared, they have something to say, they know exactly what they want to say and they're not divulging too much. Much. Especially if you're in the middle of it and you don't want to, you know, have any legal issues or anything like that. You may want to kind of keep that to a minimum, but having that kind of in your back pocket is
Liesel Darby [00:15:55]:
a really great tool and practicing that. So. Yeah, so. So you can, you know, write down a few things that you think might sound good because you don't want to have to be coming up with this in the spur of the moment. Right, right. That's. To your point is.
Liesel Darby [00:16:07]:
Have something that you can say like, yeah, well you know, this is between me and John, and we're working through it as best we can and. And change the subject. Right, yeah. So something just very short and sweet that lets people know that this is not open for discussion. Right.
Liesel Darby [00:16:25]:
I think that's very important, like, because some people, they want the tea. Right. They want to know what's going on, and they're going to run and they're going to, you know, start talking about. So don't give them that. Just say something very bland. Be bland. Okay.
Liesel Darby [00:16:40]:
Be boring here. Yeah, yeah, we're. Yeah, we're getting a divorce, and we're working through it. Hey, how are the kids? You know, switch topics as fast as you can and. But you're sending a message to other people, like, I'm not discussing this with you. Right. It's not. It's not any of your business, and.
Liesel Darby [00:17:00]:
But you can do it in a nice way. You know, you don't want to come across as crusty or, you know, with knives out or anything like that. Just be like, yeah, this is what's happening, and we're taking care of it the best way we know how.
Leah Hadley [00:17:14]:
Yeah, absolutely. You know, one of the things that really stood out to me in the book was the fact that Belle is an attorney herself. Right. She was a highly accomplished woman, and it just seemed like as she shared her story, and I think I see this so often with so many of the women that we work with, she really kind of lost a sense of her own individual identity in the marriage. Right. It really just became like that family unit. And I know one of the things that you really work with women on and really help them is kind of reestablish that identity. And so I'm wondering for any of the women who could really identify with that piece of Belle's story, if there's strategies that you recommend to them to really help them get back in touch with themselves and kind of find their own voice again.
Liesel Darby [00:18:01]:
Yeah, it's so, so important, you know, because like you said, we're taught as women, especially everybody else's needs come first. It's family, it's the kids, it's all this stuff. And a lot of women, they become stay at home moms, even if they have had a career before they got married and had kids. And so I love that you brought this up. Yeah. So when it's just some things to do is even just spend some time remembering who you were. Right. Make a list of your accomplishments.
Liesel Darby [00:18:34]:
Right. Put down on paper all the great things you did when you had a job, all the dreams that you had when you were growing up that you want to be if you. Maybe you've already achieved them and maybe they're still on your bucket list. Right. Journaling. Journaling is awesome. Right.
Liesel Darby [00:18:54]:
You can journal about things that you're grateful for on a daily basis. I love that. Because you cannot be in a state of gratitude and be in a state of depression or anxiety or fear at the same time. And it also kind of helps to put things in perspective that there are still good things going on. One of the things you might want to do is like, can you go to some networking events? There's lots of them that are just for women. You know, there are some for just a specific industry. It might help to reconnect with other people who shared your kind of career experience. If you want to go back to school, that's an awesome thing too.
Liesel Darby [00:19:37]:
Maybe finish school, maybe start school. There's all kinds of things. But ask yourself, like, what who am I? That's a big giant question. I don't know how you answer. You can't answer that in one sentence. Maybe you can, but at least that allows for the possibility of exploration and taps into like, well, what do I like when I'm not being a mom or a wife? What would I like to do? What did I used to do that I don't do anymore? Because, you know, family and kids in school and all this other stuff. What are, you know, what are some passions of mine? What are some things that I've always wanted to explore that I, I had to put on the back burner because I, you know, started a family or, you know, even I got married and we're doing just couple things now, and now we're not a couple. So now what?
Leah Hadley [00:20:30]:
You know, I was talking with Mo, who I work out with. She's my personal trainer and I was talking to her the other day, and she was telling me one of the reasons sometimes people don't sign up to take fitness classes just blew my mind, is that people will tell her that they can't commit to it forever. And so if they can't commit to it forever, then they're not even gonna try it. And, you know, I'm just. I'm curious how many people out there maybe have this mindset of, like, I don't know how that's gonna fit into my life forever, so I'm not even gonna attempt it. Right. But I think what you're describing is so powerful Liesel.
Leah Hadley [00:21:03]:
To just try things. Right. To explore it. Yeah.
Liesel Darby [00:21:07]:
It is a smorgasbord out there. You know, you can do whatever you want to do. If you. If you wanted to take painting classes, you. Or Taekwondo classes or, I don't know, you want to learn how to ride a skateboard through the park.
Leah Hadley [00:21:23]:
Well, I think the other cool thing about trying new things is you learn so much about yourself through that process. What you like, what you don't like, who you connect with, who you want to stay away with. Right. What environments, like, fuel you and what environments deplete you. All of it, right?
Liesel Darby [00:21:37]:
Right. All of it. Or even, like. I always bring up this example about me and my ex. He hated green peppers. So guess what? I never once in 25 years made stuffed green peppers because I knew he would hate them. So when the minute he said that he was moving out, like, oh, my God, I could make green peppers and have one every night this week.
Liesel Darby [00:22:01]:
Just something that I haven't done in forever was just something simple like that or, you know, I now have control of their TV remote. Okay, I don't know what I want to watch, but I know I don't want to watch football all day on Sunday, so. But those are such tiny little examples. But they were big because I was one of these women that kind of just merged with my husband because it was easier. It wasn't, you know, he would like to do things, and I wasn't.
Liesel Darby [00:22:34]:
You know, it was nothing that I was passionate about one way or the other. Usually it's like, okay, we can do that. But, you know, I. I really did lose myself, and I think so many women do. And. And just the process of rediscovering yourself can be exhilarating and fun and, like you said, just. Just a laboratory of what do I like and what do I don't like? And it might be different from when you were 20 years ago, you know?
Leah Hadley [00:23:00]:
Absolutely. Yeah. It was so funny. I was fascinated. My oldest son just went to college. This past year was his first year in college, and to witness the things that he's trying. And he ended up joining the fencing team. And I never would have thought that, but you never know.
Liesel Darby [00:23:16]:
Right.
Leah Hadley [00:23:16]:
But what I love about when people do go into, like, higher education, it truly is set up as a place to just try things. Right. And then it's so easy when we get busy with our lives and our careers and our families to lose that. Like, kind of lose sight of that as. As an opportunity for us. But it's available to any of us. Right. We just have to go.
Leah Hadley [00:23:38]:
Yeah.
Liesel Darby [00:23:38]:
Yeah. Libraries are wonderful places to. I'm amazed at what all libraries offer these days. They have so many classes. I mean, you can. You could rent a recording studio in a library if you wanted to. You could learn how to make 3D sewing machines. I don't know.
Liesel Darby [00:24:00]:
Whatever it is, we are very fortunate.
Leah Hadley [00:24:04]:
In the Cleveland area in particular, we have a very, very strong library system. Yeah. County public libraries. We are very, very.
Liesel Darby [00:24:11]:
It's amazing. Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:24:13]:
So, Liesl, are there any other themes from the book that you wanted to touch on today?
Liesel Darby [00:24:18]:
Let's see. One of the things, we might have talked about this. Oh, her being seen as vengeful.
Leah Hadley [00:24:27]:
Yeah. For.
Liesel Darby [00:24:28]:
For publishing first for writing her article and then going on to publish a book. Some people came after her for being vengeful, trying to punish her. Her ex, for things. And I thought that was really interesting because that just makes you automatically the villain. Right. You know, like, there couldn't possibly be any other reason for putting your story out there. And by putting your story out there, that might just be talking to other people about it.
Leah Hadley [00:24:58]:
You know, I think that's part Lieslaw of why I've been talking about and sharing the story so much, is because I'm so grateful that she brought the story to light.
Liesel Darby [00:25:08]:
Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:25:08]:
And this is something that there. And I'm sure that women generally do not share their story because they don't want to be looked at as the villain. And she just, you know, owns. Owns and is honest about her experience, recognizes, you know, her own strengths and weaknesses throughout it. I mean, she really was very candid, and I'm so appreciative that she was willing to do that.
Liesel Darby [00:25:32]:
And she was the villain, and she was the one that was dumped. Yeah. You know, that's the other part of that, was he's the one who did all this stuff. And Took off and, you know, so I wanted anything to do with the kids. And she was the villain because she talked about it. Right. You know.
Leah Hadley [00:25:49]:
Right.
Liesel Darby [00:25:50]:
So, you know, just think about what it would have been if she was the one who left. And she. And she made that point about the. The country club, too, is like, since they were not from the island, the country club kind of didn't know what to do with them when they were getting divorced. Because usually it's the one who lived and grew up there was the one that stayed. She's like, why is this even a discussion? Because if. I guarantee you, if I was the one who pulled the plug on this and I walked away, I would have been automatically the one that was kicked out. But they were having a discussion about that.
Liesel Darby [00:26:26]:
Yeah, I think that was crazy. Let's see. I think also, you know, so much that she trusted him so much. So much. And this is why, you know, it's kind of. It's hard to talk about because when you are married, you do want to trust your person that much. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Liesel Darby [00:26:50]:
Financially, in every other way. Because like I said, this is the person who had supposed to have your back. You love and cherish them for the rest of your life. And he was acting like that the whole time, you know, and then to find out that he'd been squirreling away millions of dollars, finangled the. The prenup to, you know, favor him if when this ever happened. And. And also the thing that was shocking was like, he didn't want to have anything to do with the kids. He was supposedly this loving, doting dad.
Liesel Darby [00:27:26]:
He just up and said, no, don't want any time. Don't want any vacation time. I think he was. Said he just wanted a Thursday dinner. And then even that went by the wayside. She said pretty quickly. He, you know, he deliberately got an apartment with just one bedroom so there would be no overnights. And.
Liesel Darby [00:27:46]:
And I think that was very jarring for her to reconcile.
Leah Hadley [00:27:51]:
I was really shocked by that piece of the story. I am always surprised, you know, the number of folks that I've worked with over the years who. Who talk about their teenagers kind of as like just independent individuals and. Absolutely, you know, teenagers are becoming more independent, but I think it's easy to forget that they're still kids. Right?
Liesel Darby [00:28:11]:
Yeah.
Leah Hadley [00:28:12]:
And so remembering that we still want to provide structure and support for them, whatever that looks like in your family. But I was also very surprised by the specific talk around how he decided to parent going forward.
Liesel Darby [00:28:25]:
That goes to the disbelief because when when something like this happens, if you're just chugging along, things are, things are good. For her case, she thought things were really good, that she was not seeing any cracks, you know, at the time she thought, you know, he's loving, devoted husband, everything's okay. And just the total disbelief that A, he was having an affair and B, he walked away the next day completely like washed his hands of it and then to be nasty about things up until the very end, you know, threatening her and all, you know, he's going to take everything from her and all this other stuff. Just a total disbelief like, who is this person? Yeah, right.
Leah Hadley [00:29:10]:
Yeah. There's honestly so much that we could unpack from Belle's story. And again, this is a normal story. Yes, this is a wealthy family. Yes, this is a wealthy woman. But this is a typical, normal story that we see at every income level all the time in our practice. And I think, you know, bringing this conversation to the light is so powerful. And so again, I'm just going to reiterate how grateful I am to Belle for sharing her story and for giving us the space and shining the light on these topics that need to be discussed and hopefully, you know, having these conversations, starting to become aware of things that may be going on in certain marriages that maybe people hadn't been thinking about in the past.
Leah Hadley [00:29:53]:
I think it's just, it's such a blessing that she has offered to so many women.
Liesel Darby [00:30:00]:
Yep. I agree.
Leah Hadley [00:30:02]:
If you are somebody who is struggling right now and you're in the process, maybe you're dealing with some of these challenges around parenting or around communicating with your kids, community with your friends, with your family, all of these different things that came up as part of the story. Honestly, this is stuff that Liesl coaches people through day in and day out. And so Liesl, I'm curious if you could just share with our listeners if somebody reached out to you, like, what would they expect on that initial conversation?
Liesel Darby [00:30:31]:
Oh, yeah, just an info call. You know, I'm very non threatening. I would just want to give you some time and space to just let me know what's going on. What's, what's the story here? What, what, what are you dealing with right now? What are your fears and concerns going forward? You know, a lot. The thing that always comes up is how overwhelmed this, the woman feels. I'm like, yeah, I, I've been there. I understand what that feels like. And then I just let them know that, you know what, working with, with me is really the number one thing I want is I want you to know you don't have to do this alone.
Liesel Darby [00:31:12]:
Yeah, that's. I always tear up when I say that because it's, you know, I, I didn't have me when I was going through my divorce. Right. I didn't have somebody like, like this to hold my hand. So I did it by myself. And, and you can do it by yourself, but it's so much better if you have somebody in your corner who can help you get some clarity around what's going on. And I think that's one of the biggest things that I do offer is clarity. I help you get clarity around maybe what your next steps are going to be.
Liesel Darby [00:31:45]:
It's been a whole session today with, with somebody we were talking about logistically, what the order should be, when should she tell him, what should she tell him, when she should tell the kids, blah, blah, blah. We spent 45 minutes on that. But she had clarity at the end of it. Right.
Leah Hadley [00:32:02]:
Well, and that's so powerful because otherwise, like, for most people dealing with figuring out those steps that couldn't take months to think through when it's the right time. Right. It could take for some people, they're thinking about it for years. How am I going to manage through this process and to be able to knock it out in a session of divorce coaching? That's so helpful.
Liesel Darby [00:32:23]:
Yeah, we. Clarity around all different kinds of things, too. Just like, what are your values so that when you're making these big decisions as you go through your divorce, that they're in align with your values so that you're not at some point down the road going, what was I thinking? Who, who was I? You know, I'm always going to tie it back to your values so that you are making good decisions based on that. I, I will tell you that I help, I can lower your overall divorce bill by helping you work more efficiently and effectively with either your mediator or your attorney. That alone, because people tend to see this as like an add on, you know, it's costing you something. I will tell you, any money you invest in working with a coach, you're going to save off of your overall divorce bill. I will guarantee you that. Also, just knowing that you have somebody who can be a sounding board you can bounce things off of.
Liesel Darby [00:33:20]:
We can talk about how are you going to have those difficult conversations with your ex and with your kids. We can script it out and we can practice it, and that's a big thing, too, because I don't want these words to come out of your mouth for the first time when you're trying to do that, because it's going to freak you out. I can help you come up with parenting plans, proposals, counter proposals, some very practical things that can help you as you move through the divorce process, but also the other emotional part of it, which is just as important, I think, as the, okay, what's your next step gonna be?
Leah Hadley [00:33:55]:
Yeah, absolutely. It's so important, and there's so much value that is provided in having an objective person who's been through it, who has advised countless other people through it to be that sounding board to you kind of navigate through. So we will include a link to schedule a complimentary call with Liesl in the show notes. So if you want to reach out to her, you can always do that and just have the conversation and see, you know, if her support would be beneficial for you, like she said. Really? Yeah. No, there's no. There's no pressure.
Liesel Darby [00:34:28]:
You never say you have three minutes to make a decision.
Leah Hadley [00:34:32]:
No, you.
Liesel Darby [00:34:33]:
You know, I'm always about what. What's on your timeline, what fits with you? Where are you emotionally? Are you emotionally ready? I have had people I've talked to, like, almost a year ago, and it takes them that long before they decide that, okay, I'm ready to talk about some things. And that's perfectly okay.
Leah Hadley [00:34:51]:
That's perfectly okay. Yeah, everybody. It's. It's so many difficult decisions need to be made, and we absolutely respect whatever your timeline is, but also creating a safe space for you to get the guidance and support that you need. Yeah.
Liesel Darby [00:35:07]:
The other part of this last part of this is. Is let's say you're through your divorce. Right. The. My favorite part about divorce coaching is helping you figure out what do you want your life to look like on the other side of this? Because I think you're so focused, and I just got to get through. I just have to survive this. But actually, you have a. You have a new chapter that you get to write, and it doesn't have to look like the old chapters if you don't want it to.
Liesel Darby [00:35:35]:
And maybe it's a time to kind of be picky and choosy about what you want to bring forth or try new things like. Like we talked about, you know, so. So that's a fun part, too, is you don't have to be in the thick of the ick. You can be on the other side of it. But if you would like some help to dream and then try to figure out how do you. You put that into your daily life. So that you can start experiencing that now. That's a great way to use a divorce coach as well.
Leah Hadley [00:36:04]:
Absolutely. So Liesel, thank you so much for your time and for being here with us today. We'll include that link to schedule a complimentary call with Liesel in the show notes if you'd like to do that. There'll also be a link to the book Strangers, so if you haven't checked it out yet, absolutely be sure to check out the book. It certainly has inspired a lot of great conversation around our office and we'll continue to share some of those takeaways with you. And if you are in the middle of it or getting prepared for a divorce, we have a great divorce checklist resource that is totally free available to you to download and we'll include a link to that in the show notes as well. Thank you for being with us today and we will see you next week.
Leah Hadley [00:36:43]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help you others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
