Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Accredited Financial Counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce, finance, and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention.
Leah Hadley [00:00:24]:
Hi there, and welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. I am so happy that you're here with me. Today we are talking about something that I hear constantly from prospective clients, people online, sometimes from clients, and that is, "I am terrified about money." And if that's you right now, if you're listening to this and feeling that knot in your stomach about your financial future, I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. Now, financial fear during divorce completely normal, and it has far less to do with intelligence or experience than it does with the fact that you're in the middle of a huge amount of change. Even women with strong financial backgrounds, successful careers, years of managing household finances can feel overwhelmed during divorce. And if you're a stay-at-home mom focused really on raising your children while your spouse handled the finances, that fear can feel even more intense. So today we are talking about why divorce creates this financial anxiety, the most common fears that I see, why fear leads us to make poor decisions, and most importantly, how to reduce that fear so that you can really move forward with confidence. So let's dive in.
Leah Hadley [00:01:52]:
You know, um, I share my own story with my clients all the time because I think it's important to understand that financial fear during divorce isn't about how smart you are or the credentials that you have. When I went through my own divorce, I had years of experience in equity research and financial planning. I had the knowledge, I had the credentials, and yet I was still completely overwhelmed. Why? Because knowledge is not going to eliminate the stress when everything is changing all at once, right? Divorce brings up uncertainty on multiple fronts simultaneously. Your household structure changes from one to two. Your income must support different expenses, usually higher expenses. Your financial responsibilities may increase overnight, quite frankly. And if you have children, the pressure can feel even heavier because you're no longer just making decisions for yourself, right? You're making decisions for them as well.
Leah Hadley [00:02:56]:
This is why even highly capable women suddenly feel unsure. Fear thrives on uncertainty, not ignorance, okay? Now, if you've been a stay-at-home mom, there's often an added layer to this fear. Maybe you haven't worked outside the home in years, maybe you've never seen the investment account statements or the full tax return. Maybe your spouse handled all the bills and you genuinely don't know what things cost or how the systems work. And here's what I want you to hear. This is important. That does not make you irresponsible. It doesn't mean you weren't doing important work.
Leah Hadley [00:03:37]:
Raising children, managing a household, that's valuable work. But it does mean that the financial transition of divorce can feel particularly overwhelming because you're not just restructuring your finances, you're learning systems that you've never had to manage before. But there's good news. These are all learnable skills, and often they're actually much easier than they appear on the outside. Well, let's talk a little bit about some of the most common financial fears that I see. Now, over my years as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, or a CDF— day, I have seen certain fears come up again and again. Now, you probably recognize yourself in more than one of these if you're being honest, um, but fear number one is the cost of the divorce itself. Most people, most people have never been divorced before, so they have no frame of reference for cost or how to control the legal expenses.
Leah Hadley [00:04:36]:
And without a clear plan, the expenses can escalate really quickly, which makes the process feel like it's financially out of control. And then if you're a stay-at-home mom without your own income, this fear can be paralyzing. You're thinking, how am I even going to pay for this divorce when I don't have money, right? Now, what helps here is working with a divorce financial planner early in the process. We can really help you understand the costs to make the strategic decisions about what's worth fighting for and what's not. And to avoid unnecessary legal fees. We can help you understand what resources you have access to, even if you don't have your own paycheck, okay? Now, fear number 2 is that post-divorce cash flow and just paying the bills in general. Divorce almost always increases expenses, right? One household becomes two, and generally most of the time income stays the same. So that is going to automatically create a change in the cash flow situation and can create some concerns around cash flow.
Leah Hadley [00:05:46]:
So for some women, the fear isn't just about having enough money, it's about the mechanics, right? Managing the online bill pay, multiple accounts, financial systems a spouse once handled can feel intimidating. And if you've been out of the workforce, you might be thinking, how am I gonna support myself, right? What kind of job can I even get after being home for 10 years? "Will I need to go back to school?" And these are real concerns and they deserve real answers, not just reassurance, right? So that really is our specialty. A divorce financial advisor can create a realistic post-divorce budget and cash flow projection. So you know exactly what to expect. It's not something that's just kind of out there feeling, you know, very uncertain. We can also help you understand what spousal support might look like for how long, what your options are for thinking about reentering the workforce or building new skills. Those are all things that we can work through together. Fear number 3 is the marital home, the house.
Leah Hadley [00:06:50]:
This one carries so much emotional weight, especially, especially if you've been the primary caregiver. This is where you've raised your children. This is their home, their school district, their stability, right? The thought—— of uprooting them during an already challenging time can feel heartbreaking, quite frankly, right? But the question, "Can I afford to keep the house after divorce?" does require careful financial analysis, not just emotional decision-making. A CDFA can really run detailed scenarios showing you the true cost of keeping the house including taxes, maintenance, opportunity costs, sometimes keeping the house is absolutely the right decision. Sometimes it's not. I literally this morning was talking with a woman who, from a cash flow perspective, keeping the house made a lot of sense. But when we looked at what she would have to give up as an offset in terms of, you know, maintaining the equity in the house and giving up other assets, it just put her in a very challenging financial situation. So what while she could afford it from a cash flow standpoint, she's still close to retirement.
Leah Hadley [00:08:03]:
To give up those retirement assets, um, would just put her in a precarious situation. So it's important to really look at all the information when deciding, you know, whether or not this is an affordable solution or not. Fear number 4 is taxes. Divorce is going to change your tax situation, your filing status, potentially your deductions, maybe your child-related credits, right? Asset division can have an impact on your tax liability. So if you have never filed a return on your own, or if your spouse always handled the taxes, I want you to know this can be completely foreign, and it is for everybody at some point. Everybody's going to start doing their taxes at some point, some— it may be later in life, right? Um, you might be wondering, what does head of household mean? What can you deduct? How do you even file? You know, that is really why we do include encourage people who are feeling overwhelmed around understanding their tax situation, they do have a tax preparer, um, do their filing at least for that first year after divorce. And honestly, once you understand how the taxes change, I don't think it's going to be as scary as it maybe seems. Um, but making sure that you understand those distinctions is really important right now.
Leah Hadley [00:09:22]:
Fear number 5 Um, has to do with the investment decisions in the retirement accounts. Many women suddenly become responsible for investment decisions that they were never involved with before as part of their settlement. Market volatility can feel frightening, especially when retirement accounts or your divorce settlement proceeds in general are at stake, right? And if you've been a stay-at-home mom, you may be thinking, I don't even know what a 401(k) is. Much less how to manage one. Now, a financial advisor can help you understand the investment basics, create an appropriate asset allocation, and optimize your retirement account strategies. This is something that we do all the time under our Intentional Wealth Partners company, um, and really educating our clients on the normalcy of market ups and downs. They're not a signal that you're doing something wrong, right? Education is really key The more you understand about investing, the less emotional it becomes. So then you don't necessarily worry as much about the market ups and downs, right? Fear number 6, um, kind of builds off the last one, and that's retirement planning, right? Retirement can feel like it's really far away for you depending on how old you are when you're going through a divorce, especially if like you're in your 40s, maybe even your early 50s.
Leah Hadley [00:10:45]:
But I have to tell you that divorce is a moment when we're— that retirement decisions really do begin to matter. I see it all the time. Women give up retirement assets to keep the house or to reduce maybe a short-term financial stress. This is often a critical mistake that creates long-term harm that can really be difficult, if not impossible, to undo. And if you've been a stay-at-home mom, your own retirement savings might be minimal or nonexistent. You've been relying on your spouse's retirement plan. So now what, right? This is where understanding your rights matters. In most states, retirement assets that are accumulated during the marriage are going to be marital property regardless of whose name is on the account.
Leah Hadley [00:11:36]:
Now you may have a right to those assets, right? Or a portion of those assets. A certified divorce financial analyst can show you the long-term impact of different settlement outcomes you might be considering, right? So a lot of what we do is scenario analysis. So if we look at, okay, if you stay in the house and give up these retirement assets, what does this mean long-term for your future, right? If you co-own the house for a period of time and then sell it, what is that gonna— you know, we look at all of those different scenarios that people are considering to determine what's going to be the best possible outcome. This is important to understand, and I want, I want to be clear why fear can really lead to some very, very poor financial decisions. And here's what happens with fear. Fear narrows our focus. So when we are anxious, we're always going to be prioritizing immediate comfort over our future financial stability. So during a divorce, this shows up as maybe keeping an unaffordable house or ignoring the retirement planning or just avoiding difficult financial conversations, even accepting the first settlement offer just to be done.
Leah Hadley [00:12:50]:
And I completely understand the impulse. Let me be clear about that. But when you're in the middle of a painful divorce, especially if you're trying to protect your children from turmoil, it's normal to just want it to be done, to want the fighting to stop, right? You want the certainty, even if that certainty isn't the best long-term decision. Now, these choices may make sense emotionally, but they often do not support your long-term financial success. And the goal isn't to eliminate fear completely. I do live in reality here. The goal really is to prevent fear from driving irreversible divorce financial decisions. And I wanna be clear about that.
Leah Hadley [00:13:34]:
We're talking about irreversible decisions here. So how do you go about reducing that financial fear so that way you can be in a mental state to be able to talk these things through and make these decisions, right? Because I'm not gonna just tell you, oh, just don't be afraid, cuz that's not helpful, right? I mean, really. Financial fear loses its power when uncertainty turns into clarity. I wanna say that again. Financial fear loses its power when uncertainty turns into clarity. So here's how to make that shift. First, make your fears tangible with real numbers. Money is measurable, but when we're talking about financial fears, they often remain very abstract.
Leah Hadley [00:14:21]:
The moment you can put real numbers to your concerns, whether it's the taxes or the cash flow, the housing costs, the fear is often going to decrease. I recently worked with a client who, quite frankly, she was convinced that she was never gonna be able to afford to live on her own. She was really terrified. But when we actually sat down and ran the numbers, we created a realistic budget, looked at what spousal support she'd receive and for how long. She realized that while it was tight, it was doable. And that shift from, I have no idea if this will work, to, okay, here is exactly what I need to do, that was absolutely transformative. Now, divorce financial planning means modeling different scenarios so you can make informed decisions instead of having to guess. And guessing is far, far, far more stressful than knowing, right? Second, get divorce-specific financial professionals involved early.
Leah Hadley [00:15:23]:
Not all financial advisors understand divorce. Not all accountants, um, regularly are working with people through divorce. A certified divorce financial analyst has specialized training in divorce settlement analysis and property division strategies, tax implications, you know, retirement account through quadros, long-term financial projections. So working with somebody who understands all of this, who can evaluate your settlement options, it's just gonna give you so much more confidence in your financial decisions. And quite frankly, if you've been a stay-at-home mom, this professional support is even more critical because you're not just navigating divorce, you're learning financial management, many of you for the first time. Having somebody in your corner who can explain things in plain language, help you understand your options, is just so powerful. And third, understand investment basics and market volatility. Okay, the stock market is driven by headlines in the short term.
Leah Hadley [00:16:26]:
Over the long term, the stock market is really driven by companies' ability to drive profit. Volatility is completely normal. On average, every year the market goes down at least 14% on average every year. And on average ends up 10% a year. So that 24-point swing is normal volatility. It's not a signal that you're doing anything wrong. Okay? If you are still accumulating assets, market downturns can actually work in your favor. And that's so important.
Leah Hadley [00:17:02]:
The more you understand, the less emotional investing becomes, which is so valuable. Fourth, optimize your retirement accounts. Many people miss out on employer 401(k) matches. They hold poorly allocated investments simply because nobody explained their options. These oversights can cost $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 or more over your career. So it's important that your retirement accounts get the attention that they deserve during and after divorce because they often do represent your future financial independence, right? Fifth, I really want you to focus on one financial decision at a time. Trying to solve everything at once is just overwhelming. Instead, identify the single issue that is causing the most stress right now.
Leah Hadley [00:17:59]:
Address that first. And then once that decision is made and clarity replaces that fear, then you can move on to the next. Progress in divorce financial planning is just gonna happen by putting one step in front of the other, right? And it's important to know that you do not have to do this alone. One of the most powerful antidotes to financial fear is actually community. When you're going through a divorce, it is so easy to feel isolated, like you are the only one who doesn't have it all figured out. But let me be clear, you definitely are not, and that is exactly why I created the Empowered Sisterhood. It's a membership community specifically for women who want to build financial confidence, whether they are navigating divorce or other life transitions, or simply taking control of their financial future for the first time. Inside the community, you will find monthly live education on topics like budgeting, investing, retirement planning, and yes, managing the financial fears that come with major life transitions.
Leah Hadley [00:19:12]:
You will also get access to a supportive group of women who understand what you're going through because quite frankly they've been there too. There is something so incredibly powerful about realizing that you're not alone, that your fears are normal, and that other women are asking the exact same questions that you are. The Empowered Sisterhood isn't just like an education program. It's really about ongoing support, accountability, and the confidence that comes from knowing that you have the sisterhood in your corner. Financial fear truly loses its grip when you have both knowledge and support. That's, that's really what this community provides. Now, before I go, I do want to let you know that I, um, have a resource specifically for a stay-at-home mom. So if you're a stay-at-home mom listening to this and thinking, I need more than just general advice, I need some very specific guidance because I'm in a unique situation, I do want to let you know that I have a book on Amazon that's called When It's Just Not Working: A Practical Divorce Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms.
Leah Hadley [00:20:24]:
Now, this was a book that I had originally published in 2019. It has been completely revised. It walks you through the entire divorce process from a stay-at-home mom's perspective. We talk about the very unique financial challenges that you face, how to think about spousal support, what you need to know about dividing retirement accounts when you don't have your own, how to approach the question of going back to work, and how to protect your financial future when you have spent years out of the workforce. So the book does also cover the emotional side of divorce as a stay-at-home mom, the identity shift, the guilt, the fear of judgment, all of it. Because divorce isn't just a financial transition, right? It really is a complete life restructuring. So if you have been feeling lost or overwhelmed or unsure where to even start, this book is really gonna be a roadmap for you. It is practical, it's honest, and it's written specifically for women in your position.
Leah Hadley [00:21:27]:
So you can now find it on Amazon. It is completely revised and updated, um, and I hope you will take a look at that. Here are my final thoughts. This is what I know to be true from both a personal and professional experience. Experience. It is possible to live on less money and feel more secure, more confident, and more at peace. I'm gonna say that again. It is possible to live on less money and feel more secure, more confident, and more at peace.
Leah Hadley [00:22:03]:
I see it every single day in my practice. I've lived it myself. Divorce can absolutely change your finances, but it also gives you control. And when fear is replaced with knowledge and support, confidence follows. You do not need to have all the answers today. You just need to take the next step to getting the financial clarity that you want. So whether that is scheduling a consultation with a CDFA, joining the Empowered Sisterhood, picking up a copy of When It's Just Not Working, or simply putting real numbers to your biggest fears right now. Take that next step.
Leah Hadley [00:22:41]:
Thank you so much for being here with us today, and we will see you next week.
Leah Hadley [00:22:45]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey.
Leah Hadley [00:22:55]:
If you find our content helpful, please
Leah Hadley [00:22:57]:
leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision-making in divorce. Worst. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
