Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce finance and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention.
Leah Hadley [00:00:24]:
Hi there and welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know we talk a lot about the practical side of divorce. We talk about how to divide assets, what mistakes to avoid, how to rebuild your financial life. And those things are absolutely critical. But today I want to talk about something that I see all the time in my practice that honestly breaks my heart, and that is watching capable, intelligent women finalize their divorce, walk away from the settlement table, and then stay financially stuck for months or even years afterwards. They know they should be building an emergency fund. They know they need to update their estate plan. They know they should be investing for retirement, but they just don't.
Leah Hadley [00:01:18]:
And here's what I've learned after working with hundreds of women through divorce. Staying stuck has very little to do with knowledge and everything to do with what's happening underneath the surface. So today we're going to talk about the real reasons women stay financially stuck after divorce, the ones that nobody's talking about, and more importantly, how to actually break free. So let's dive in. So let me paint a picture for you. You've been through the divorce process. Maybe it was brutal. Maybe it was relatively smooth.
Leah Hadley [00:01:53]:
Either way, you're exhausted. To be clear, you've made a thousand little decisions. You've divided everything down to the silverware. You finally have your settlement agreement signed, and everyone tells you, now you can move forward. Fresh start. But here's what's actually happening for so many women. The bank accounts are separated, but you're still looking at the same balance you had six months ago. Or maybe it's lower.
Leah Hadley [00:02:19]:
You got the retirement accounts divided, but you haven't actually looked at them since the decree was finalized. You know, you need to create a budget for your new life, but every time you sit down to do it, you find something else that you'd rather be doing or that needs your attention. Right? You're making decisions about your kids, your work, your home. But when it comes to your money, you're in this weird holding pattern. And if you're honest with yourself, there's this low grade anxiety kind of humming in the background all the time. Not loud enough to demand action, but constant enough that it's always there. Does that sound familiar to any of you? Here's what I want you to know. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone.
Leah Hadley [00:03:04]:
You are not broken. This is a pattern that I see so commonly I can almost predict it. And there are very specific reasons why, why it happened. So let's talk about those. First of all, I want you to know that decision fatigue is real. You have just spent months, in some cases years, making massive decisions. Should I stay or should I go? Should I fight for the house or should I let it go? Right. How are we going to split various retirement accounts? What about the kids college funds? Every single one of those decisions was emotionally loaded and financially significant.
Leah Hadley [00:03:43]:
And now that the divorce is final, your brain is basically saying, I am done making decisions. So even though you know you need to make new financial decisions for your post divorce life, your brain is actively resisting. And it's not laziness, it's not a lack of discipline. You're actually, it's biological self protection. For years, maybe even decades, you may have been making financial decisions as part of a couple. So even if you were not the one managing the money, even if your ex wasn't involved, there was this kind of we framework. And now it's just you. That shift from we to me, that's a big shift.
Leah Hadley [00:04:25]:
And it's not just about the practical side of managing money. It's about fundamentally redefining who you are as a financial decision maker. Now, a lot of women tell me that they actually feel selfish focusing on their own financial goals, or that they feel guilty spending money on themselves, or that they second guess every decision because they don't have someone to bounce ideas off of anymore. That identity shift, that doesn't happen overnight. And until it does, you can be operating in this kind of in between space where taking off actually feels like wrong almost. And this one's big. This is reason number three. Fear masquerading as procrastination.
Leah Hadley [00:05:11]:
It's big, it's sneaky. On the surface it looks like procrastination that you are too busy to meet with your tax advisor or you'll get to it next month when things calm down or you're still figuring things out. But underneath it's. It's really fear. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of not having enough. Fear of losing what you fought so hard for in the settlement. Fear of being judged for your decisions.
Leah Hadley [00:05:40]:
Right? Fear of discovering you can't actually afford the life you thought you could have. And here's the thing about fear. It is much easier to avoid the thing that scares you than to face it head on. So you avoid looking at your investment accounts, you avoid creating that budget, you avoid having having the hard conversations about money with yourself. So long as you don't look right, you don't have to deal with whatever you may find. Reason number four is a lack of support and accountability. Now, let's be honest. Our culture doesn't teach women how to talk about money, doesn't teach people how to talk about money, and it especially doesn't create spaces where divorced women can openly discuss their financial fears and challenges without judgment.
Leah Hadley [00:06:27]:
So you are navigating this huge financial transition, and you may feel like you're doing it alone. It could be that your friends don't get it. Maybe your family has opinions, but not expertise. Maybe you're embarrassed to admit you don't know where to start. And without support, without someone who understands what you're going through and can hold you accountable in a compassionate way, it is really, really easy to stay stuck. And reason number five is the shame spiral. Now, this one might be the hardest to talk about, but it's also, it is so important. You know you should be further along by now.
Leah Hadley [00:07:06]:
You know you're capable of more. You know that staying stuck isn't serving you. And every day you don't take action, you can really feel the shame building, which makes it even harder to take action, which builds more shame. It becomes this vicious cycle. I should be doing better. I'm not doing better. There must be something wrong with me. I feel ashamed.
Leah Hadley [00:07:30]:
I avoid the thing that makes me feel ashamed. I'm still not doing better. The shame intensifies, right? This crazy shame cycle. I see it all the time. Smart, accomplished women who are absolutely killing it in other areas of their lives, but feel like complete failures when it comes to their finances after divorce. And shame does not motivate change. Shame can paralyze you. Okay? So if you're hearing yourself in any of this, first of all, take a breath, because here's the good news, and this is the most important part and the reason why I am recording this episode.
Leah Hadley [00:08:07]:
You can break free from this pattern. It does not require you to. To suddenly become a different person or have everything figured out. It requires that you take small, intentional steps and to do it with support. So step one, acknowledge where you are. Stop beating yourself up for being stuck. Seriously, the shame spiral does not help you move forward. Instead, I want you to acknowledge, I've been stuck.
Leah Hadley [00:08:35]:
That's okay. Now I'm ready to take the next step right Just acknowledge I've been stuck. That's okay. And I'm ready to take the next step. All right, step two. Start small. And I mean really, really small. You don't need to overhaul your entire financial life this week.
Leah Hadley [00:08:54]:
Take one small action that moves you forward. That could be opening a bank account and actually looking at your balance, if that's something you've been avoiding. It could be spending 15 minutes tracking your expenses for the week. Maybe it's scheduling a call with a financial professional. One small action is going to help to break that inertia. And once you take that first step, the next one actually gets much easier. Step three is to create consistent touch points. Financial freedom does not happen in one big moment.
Leah Hadley [00:09:28]:
It happens in consistent, intentional actions over time. And, and that's actually why I started the Intentional Money Moves live show that I'm doing now on Tuesdays. It's at noon Eastern time every single Tuesday. And we're tackling real, real money topics, everything from investing basics to navigating financial decisions during life transitions. It's completely free. It's live. You can ask your questions in real time. You can find it on YouTube.
Leah Hadley [00:09:59]:
If you just search for Watch Her Thrive, be sure to subscribe to the channel so then you will get your notifications so you know when I'm coming on live. And if you need that weekly reminder to stay focused on your financial life, that's great opportunity, right? Step four, get support and accountability. Now, here's the thing. Showing up for a weekly live show, that's great. But breaking through financial paralysis, that does require more than just information, realistically. And I think that community is the most powerful tool. It requires accountability and having somebody in your corner who actually understands the challenges that you're facing. And it really is the inspiration behind our membership program, The Empowered Sisterhood.
Leah Hadley [00:10:45]:
It's not just another membership. It's really a complete support system for women who are navigating financial transitions. And inside it, you get direct access to me as a certified divorce financial analyst. You can ask me questions. You can get personalized guidance. You can work through your specific situation, not just get generic advice, but more importantly, you get a community of women who are going through change, women who won't judge you if you're feeling stuck, women who will celebrate your wins and hold you accountable when you need it. That membership even has monthly trainings, like a whole vault of online resources. It really is the kind of support that can actually move the needle.
Leah Hadley [00:11:32]:
And right now, believe it or not, it's only $59 a month. And I mean realistically, that's because it's a newer program. That price is not going to last. But as of right now, for less than the cost of a dinner out, you can get ongoing access to a CDFA and a community that's going to help you break free from being stuck. So you can learn more about that at Watch Her Thrive.co. I'll also include a link in the show notes as well. If you're serious about moving forward, it's a really powerful way to do it. Step five is to rewrite your story.
Leah Hadley [00:12:04]:
Now remember that shame spiral I was talking about before? The antidote to the shame spiral is a new story. So instead of I should be further along by now, it's I'm taking the next right step. Instead of I'm not good with money, it's I'm learning to make intentional financial decisions, right? Instead of saying I'm stuck, try I'm in a transition and that's okay, right? The story you tell yourself matters and you get to choose it. So here's what I want you to remember from this episode. Being financially stuck after divorce is normal. It does not mean you are failing. It means that you are human. But you do not have to stay stuck.
Leah Hadley [00:12:52]:
You can break free one small, intentional step at a time with the right support. So here is your action step for this week. Do something. Take one small action. Just one. It might be opening a new account. It might be tracking those expenses. It might be joining our community.
Leah Hadley [00:13:13]:
Might be showing up to the live show Tuesday at noon. Right? Just take one next step. Get out of that inertia. Right? I am cheering for you and I am absolutely here when you're ready. I want to thank you for listening to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley and I will see you next time. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with somebody who needs to hear it. Let's break this pattern together.
Leah Hadley [00:13:42]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
