Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce, finance, and emotional wellness.
Leah Hadley [00:00:17]:
Join me
Leah Hadley [00:00:17]:
as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention.
Leah Hadley [00:00:24]:
Hi there, and welcome back to intentional divorce insights. Today, we're diving into a topic that a lot of people don't really think about, but still find very overwhelming and don't even realize why. And that is that there is this old vocabulary that is associated with the divorce process, terms that we don't necessarily use in everyday language, that can be really confusing. And we have Theresa Viera here today to really help us get some clarity around some of the big terms that I think will be really helpful for you. So you're not feeling so overwhelmed when it comes to going through your divorce. Well, first, let me tell you a little bit about Theresa. She does have intimate knowledge of North Carolina Family Court System, which began as a child amidst a domestic violence and child abuse situation. Although it took years in court to address the wrongs inflicted upon her family, she can honestly say that her family made it through and everyone is better than okay today, which is fantastic. She conducted her undergraduate studies at George Washington University in Washington, DC.
Leah Hadley [00:01:32]:
Thereafter, she pursued her law degree at the University of North Carolina School of Law in Chapel Hill, where she was able to hone her skills as an orator, writer, and legal thinker. As a family law attorney, she utilizes the tools of negotiation, mediation, and litigation to find solutions for families navigating the legal system. And if able, she hopes to be an inspiration to others, which is so refreshing to hear from a family law attorney. Welcome, Theresa. Thank you so much for being with us.
Theresa Viera [00:02:02]:
Thank you so much, Leah. It's a pleasure to be here. I'm excited to share this knowledge with your listeners.
Leah Hadley [00:02:08]:
Terrific. So before we get into some of the specific terms, can you just tell us a little bit about what's involved in family law?
Theresa Viera [00:02:15]:
Sure. Sure. So family law, unfortunately, they tend to equate with only with divorce. And it's interesting because the divorce is one piece of a much bigger puzzle which I'm so excited to talk about the other vocabulary that comes along with divorce because of that. So the divorce itself is just the process of taking a married couple, 2 persons and separating them into single persons under the eyes of the law. That's really it as it relates to the divorce. And that's one piece of family law. The other pieces though, as you can imagine can include much more complicated and detailed issues such as property distributions or debt division or children.
Theresa Viera [00:02:56]:
And children bring a whole host of other legal matters that come up. So that falls under the family law umbrella. Additionally, some other, realms will include domestic violence, child abuse, termination of parental rights at times, and it also includes the specific form of contracts that is between spouses or soon to be spouses or even former spouses. And so there's a certain section of contract law that applies only to the family law sphere. So that includes premarital agreements or hashtag prenup. That includes separation agreements and that includes a whole host of other agreements that can be signed by former, current, or, soon to be spouses.
Leah Hadley [00:03:42]:
Okay, great. So really, there's quite a bit involved.
Theresa Viera [00:03:45]:
Yes. Yes. I agree.
Leah Hadley [00:03:49]:
What is the role of a family law attorney in the divorce process specifically?
Theresa Viera [00:03:54]:
In a divorce process, a family law attorney is there to help our clients not only understand how the law relates to their relationship because individuals get married, due to a number of reasons, but generally, it's to create a family, to create a union, to create a partnership if you will. And under the eyes of the law, those relationships get very complicated is what I'll say. And a lot of people get married not knowing how many obligations and responsibility responsibilities they assume under the law. And a family law attorney is there to guide someone if they are in the process of going through that divorce. I like to say that, a family law attorney enters at a specific chapter of a party's life. And that chapter is taking that marital relationship and, closing the marriage itself, that chapter in life if you will. And then that family law attorney helps them plan and create that new chapter for when they are separated or divorced.
Leah Hadley [00:05:01]:
Excellent. And I know it can feel very stressful for people who are just getting started with the process to even think about reaching out to a family law attorney. How do you recommend people even find someone to talk to?
Theresa Viera [00:05:15]:
Well, first, let me validate that feeling. A lot of individuals feel like as soon as they are going to talk to a professional such as a family law attorney, especially because we're not cheap and generally not free, they think they've already decided, okay, we're ending the relationship. And and really, I can understand from an emotional perspective why that is, but it really isn't the situation. I like to tell individuals that it's best to be informed before you make any big life decision. So just because you sit down with a family law attorney does not mean you're getting divorced the very next day. I'm gonna stress that. Rather, it is a means for you to obtain the education that not only is good for you, but that you really need to understand what will happen should a divorce occur. So I I like to stress to individuals we are more educators than, you know, die hard litigators in a courtroom before you meet with us.
Theresa Viera [00:06:12]:
I even have clients that joke way after the fact after we're done with their divorce, they're like, oh, well, you aren't as intimidating as I thought. I'm like, well, I'm a family law attorney. I'm not, you know, one of the attorneys on law and order so yes, I am actually here to help you with your family. So it's best to sit down with that family law attorney as soon as you even think about possible separation more so for the education piece than anything else.
Leah Hadley [00:06:38]:
Yeah. I think that's such an important point because a lot of times, people really do wait until, you know, things are so bad that they are absolutely you know, divorce is inevitable. But a lot of times, people are in this process of decision making for a long period of time just because they don't have the information.
Theresa Viera [00:06:57]:
Agree
Leah Hadley [00:06:58]:
And they don't necessarily know what the process looks like, what it's going to entail. And in some cases, they're staying in a situation that might not be safe. Yeah. And so really having that education and understanding and acknowledging the fact that maybe this decision hasn't been made, it's still okay to talk to somebody and be informed. The other piece of it, of course, is your spouse can ask for a divorce at any time. And so it is good to know this information so that if you are in that situation, you know, you're at least prepared.
Theresa Viera [00:07:30]:
I 100% agree because I see a lot of individuals staying in an unhealthy or possibly dangerous marital relationship or romantic relationship not knowing that there is help out there. On the flip side, I also see people leaving just, you know, I won't take anything with me and giving up a lot when they would otherwise be entitled to a good fit if they had sat down with a family law attorney sooner. And so there's there's so many different tools that we have as family law attorneys that I would love the common person to know more about simply because maybe we can save some marriages or maybe we can create, the situation where we don't see as rampant or as, as tragic of domestic violence situations as well. So it's a whole paradigm and the and the more that, individuals are educated, the more that they can take a better next step for themselves and their family.
Leah Hadley [00:08:28]:
Absolutely. So there are a lot of terminology around how people go about getting a divorce. A lot of times people think traditionally about litigation, which I think surprises people that a lot of people don't choose to go that route. People hear about mediation that might not really know exactly what it is. And then arbitration, sometimes people think is like mediation. I just think there's some confusion there. I'm wondering if you could dive into the details of each of those to really help our audience understand the differences.
Theresa Viera [00:09:03]:
Oh, I love this topic because you are so right. So many people don't understand the differences. And although we have a short time here, we could go on for hours on this. But I I do hear it a lot where individuals have been brought to I I call it the edge of a cliff and they're like, I'm ready. I'm ready to jump. I'm ready to start throwing some mud. I'm ready to fight and that is the litigation process. And and suddenly we find ourselves in a courtroom.
Theresa Viera [00:09:31]:
Yes, arguing about the law, about different fact patterns, about about different situations. But I think the key to litigation is is that the power no longer is in the hands of either party or soon to be ex spouse. It is in the hands of a judge. And so let's kinda back up for a second and analyze that reality. A judge has never lived with you. A judge has likely never been in your house. A judge will hear minimal information about your family's situation, but then the judge is required to, by law, make what we call findings of fact. Meaning, the judge is gonna tell you what happened even though you are the one who actually lived it.
Theresa Viera [00:10:12]:
And then the judge is gonna enter an order, and that order is gonna dictate what you can and cannot do. And in family law, I would say a judge has the most authority than any other judge, because that judge can tell you how you're gonna spend your money, where your money's gonna go, how your property and debts are gonna be divided, when you get to see your children, right? And that's huge. And I don't know how an average individual would want a stranger telling them when they can and cannot see their child. And then finally, the financial circumstances around your child's upbringing. And so that's a lot of authority to give to this very smart, trained and educated person, but still a stranger to your situation. A judge is there, a litigation is there as as the emergency option at the end of the day. So I'm not saying people should not go there if they need to, but it must be an absolute need to go to litigation. I hear a lot of my clients say, well, I want my day in court.
Theresa Viera [00:11:15]:
And my response 99% of the time is, but do you? Because your credit court is not what you imagine. What you imagine is informed by your friends who've been divorced or possibly someone who's who's been not treated fairly by the judicial system. It's also informed by reality TV. It's informed by law and order in the states like I mentioned a moment ago. But family law attorneys who live and breathe this stuff, I go in and out of court very often. And so if you're thinking about litigation, you really need to listen to your family law attorney and understand the realities of that process. Side note, it's never quick. Never.
Theresa Viera [00:11:56]:
I like to tell some of my clients it could take a year, 2 years, possibly longer. And I had one client recently after the final trial custody trial, look at the calendar and say, oh, it's been about 2 years. And she's like, I didn't believe you when you told me that. I'm like, I know you didn't. But that's okay. I'm still here, like, that's what my job is as family law attorney to guide you through this litigation process. Now on the flip side, there are other tools like you mentioned. Mediation is a fantastic tool because unlike shifting that power and authority for final decisions to that stranger judge, you are actually, in fact, keeping that final decision making authority with the parties themselves.
Theresa Viera [00:12:36]:
I get it. You probably don't like your soon to be ex spouse. You think they're unreliable, not trustworthy, etcetera. I get it. But at the end of the day, you created this marriage together. You possibly had children together. So what a better way to make sure you try to keep some of that authority both in your hands, but also in the hands of the other person that has met your child, that knows about the account. Even if they're not honest with you, you know, that that's what the tools of mediation and legal representation can help with.
Theresa Viera [00:13:07]:
So specifically, mediation is the process by which a third party neutral, you should be trained in mediation, comes in and basically is like that push and pull advocate. Why? Because their their end goal is a resolution. It's not to please one spouse and or the other. It's not necessarily to be there for the child even, but rather the goal is a amicable resolution. That's what they're advocating for. So hopefully and and it depends on the circumstance, but hopefully both parties have an attorney and that attorney will guide that respective party on their legal rights and considerations because that attorney would know what a judge would order in a courtroom as well as the law itself. But then the mediator pushes and pulls and goes back and forth between both sides to try to come to a meeting ground. A lot of cases resolve in mediation and what's fantastic is that you can get creative, a lot more creative than a judge can.
Theresa Viera [00:14:06]:
And I appreciate that creativity because sometimes both parties will value different things. So we can negotiate a resolution that actually props up what both parties put value on, but that a judge could never order because they just don't have the tools or the information to do so.
Leah Hadley [00:14:27]:
Before you go on, I wanna highlight something that Theresa said, and that is, that she said that both of the parties have attorneys. I am a big proponent of mediation as well and really encourage those going through mediation to seek legal counsel during the process because there's a lot of people online saying that mediation doesn't work. There's a lot of people who have said, you know, in my experience, mediation never work. Now sometimes, the courts require you to go to mediation before the next step, and people aren't really invested in the process. And so they're not necessarily really trying to resolve the issues. So I think sometimes that gives mediation a bad reputation. But I think the bigger thing is that people are unprepared, and that they're not necessarily knowledgeable about their rights.
Leah Hadley [00:15:13]:
There may be some confusion. People read stuff online from different states or, you know, in different forums, different experiences, and they're coming with a lot of misinformation. And so I just wanted to reiterate what Theresa said there, the value of having that other person as a guide while you're going through the mediation process to really help you be successful in that process.
Theresa Viera [00:15:36]:
Totally agree. And I could not stress that further. And maybe it's also a misunderstanding of, oh, we're already hiring this one person, the mediator. They can be their our one stop shop. Unfortunately though, as, noted a moment ago, a mediator is a third party neutral. They cannot give you legal advice. They cannot advocate for your position. And they're not a judge either.
Theresa Viera [00:15:59]:
Right? So they're not gonna hear your arguments and say you're right or wrong. That's not the the position that the mediator is in. Rather, again, that mediator is focused on an amicable resolution. And you might not actually like the mediator because they're gonna be pushing and pulling you all the way through the process. At the end of the day, if if you are able to reach a resolution, you wanna make sure you're reaching a resolution by understanding what the law is and being informed on all the circumstances and that's the key. The key right there is having an attorney to make sure they're sitting next to you in that mediation process to make sure you are informed. So I love that note. Thank you for for exemplifying that point.
Theresa Viera [00:16:42]:
And then on to, the other tool that you you were referencing, arbitration. So I like to say arbitration is that middle ground between litigation and mediation. Arbitration is with a private party instead of a judge. And generally what I recommend that that arbitrator, if they are going to make be making family law decisions, that they also have family law experience, whether it's as a family law attorney in their other practice or maybe a certified, family financial or family related mediator or some other similar family divorce professional training. When you sit that down with the arbitrator, the arbitrator is gonna be able generally to give you more of an opportunity to express your concerns, certain facts that may be may not be admissible in the courtroom due to applicable evidence rules. And then generally it's more in an informal setting, so you're not in a courtroom with someone sitting on a high seat and another person sitting at a table with a microphone. An arbitration generally is held in a a private setting, in a conference room, generally at at a attorney's office. And I I want to bring attention to that environment because when a person is more comfortable in an environment, they are able to be, more comfortable in sharing details that may matter most when making these critical decisions about children and finances.
Theresa Viera [00:18:11]:
And so in the arbitration, situation, parties, again, I recommend that both parties be represented by legal representation, but they sit down with the arbitrator. The arbitrator accepts information and evidence similar to a judge, tries to push and pull similar to a mediator to see if there's any meeting grounds. But in the case of certain certain situations where the parties are not able to meet on any agreements, then that arbitrator does have the legal authority to make a decision similar to a judge. So a good example would be maybe the parties agree for the most part on the medical decisions related to the child. Great. The arbitrator will put x y z, this is what the parties agree to the child's medical care. But what if the parties don't agree about the child's school?
Theresa Viera [00:19:01]:
I'll tell you right now,
Theresa Viera [00:19:02]:
at least here in Mecklenburg County, Charlotte, North Carolina, a judge is not gonna decide the school for a child. But an arbitrator may because the arbitrator can sit there and actually hear from both sides, okay, why do you like school a? Why do you like school b? And then after a lot of information is processed, maybe it even takes a couple of days or further, investigation into the schools, that arbitrator can take that information and say, okay. Alright, parties. I know you don't agree on the school. I'm gonna make the decision. We're gonna go with school a. And that creates some clarity when the parties are not able to come to an agreement on very specific issues, but also doesn't throw a bomb on the other stuff where the other stuff could reach an agreement but wouldn't do so if everything had to be litigated.
Leah Hadley [00:19:51]:
This has been so valuable, I think, for people who are listening, especially if you're at the start of the process. Just getting some clarification around what your options are, some different possibilities, getting some clarification on language. You know, we dove into a few specific terms today, but they're, like I said, is a whole vocabulary that goes with the divorce process. So as you're talking to the divorce professionals that you're working with, I encourage you to ask questions. You're not asking a stupid question if you're not clear on that particular vocabulary because this is terminology that these people use every day, and this may be the first time you're hearing it, which is totally normal and okay. And so I just really encourage you to make sure you understand what you're hearing and you know what your options are. Now Theresa actually has a podcast of her own, which is a great free resource for you. Theresa, tell us a little bit about that.
Theresa Viera [00:20:45]:
Sure. So it's called Legal Lounge, and we bring in various divorce professionals to sit down and have conversations about what we run into every day. And it is an opportunity for the listener to come into the conversation and think about some of the things that we're discussing. It's also a critical tool that I think is needed in our community to not only expand on the vocabulary as we did here, but also for people to listen in on these conversations. Because these are conversations that an average person may not otherwise be exposed to. And so Legal Lounge is there to help dispel mistruths and possible false information that is out there to hear it straight from the divorce professionals themselves. So I bring on guests such as tax attorneys, business attorneys, financial advisors, coaches, life coaches, business coaches, and the list goes on.
Theresa Viera [00:21:41]:
And it really is to expose our conversations to the average listener to bring the education to their doorstep.
Theresa Viera [00:21:50]:
Terrific. So definitely make sure to check that out. And where can people find out more about you, Theresa?
Theresa Viera [00:21:55]:
Sure. So, my name, Theresa Viera. I am the attorney and founder of Modern Legal. We have a website modernlegalnc.com because we're based in North Carolina. So check out our website. We're also, make information available on various social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram. Follow us on those platforms. And then, yeah, check out our YouTube channel page which not only has our Legal Lounge podcast but also has a number of other information videos and just knowledge that we want to share.
Theresa Viera [00:22:28]:
So check us out and share what you learn.
Leah Hadley [00:22:32]:
Super helpful. Thank you again, Theresa, for your knowledge and for taking the time to be with us today. And for our listeners, we look forward to talking with you next week. Thank you.
Leah Hadley [00:22:42]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.