Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce, finance, and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention. Welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. I am so excited to introduce our guest today. Heidi b is a divorce comeback coach, a certified and trauma informed divorce coach, and a somatic breath work facilitator. Her 3 month comeback course and coaching community gives women the exact roadmap, resources, and relationships they need to navigate their new normal and get their life back after divorce.
Leah Hadley [00:00:52]:
She is also the host of the podcast divorce comeback coach where she hosts candid conversations with truth talk and tips to start taking your best step now toward the life you deserve and desire. Welcome, Heidi. Thank you so much for being here.
Heidi Bee [00:01:07]:
Hi, Leah. It's so good to be here. Thanks for having me.
Leah Hadley [00:01:11]:
My pleasure. I had the opportunity to be on Heidi's podcast, and so I'll leave a link to that in the show notes if you wanna hear that conversation. But that's how Heidi and I first met and I have just so enjoyed following her. She is just this light of positive energy. So I'm so happy to have you. Heidi, could you tell us a little bit about how you got into the work you're doing now?
Heidi Bee [00:01:33]:
Yes. So as the divorce comeback coach, and I've changed my name a few times now just to see if people are paying attention and to really make sure that the women who I am looking to serve can find me very quickly. Back in 2015, I actually went through divorce. It's not something that most of us expect or plan to go through, but it pops up in life, and we have to figure out how to navigate it. That was probably the deepest, darkest time of my life, and I didn't honestly, Leah, I had no clue what to do with myself, and so I did a lot a lot of things that didn't serve me. I call those the divorce distractors. It's all of our numbing agents. It's I ate my way out of my emotions.
Heidi Bee [00:02:17]:
I drank my way out of my emotions. I tried to over socialize, wink, wink, lots of partying going on, and and I was not at a young age in my life when I got divorced, by the way. I tried to sleep it off. I tried to Netflix it off. I tried to become a workaholic. I tried all of the things, even some of the things that are healthy. I tried to run as many miles as I possibly could. Like, a lot of these things are some of them are healthy.
Heidi Bee [00:02:42]:
Some of them are unhealthy. But at the end of the day, numbing our emotions out so that we don't process our stuff doesn't get us very far, doesn't get us through our healing journey, but I tried them all. So trust me when I say, like, if you've tried something that's legal, I've tried it. And I even started to read books and consume different things, and I'd spend most of my Saturdays Sundays at Barnes and Noble just scrolling through the aisles looking for something that said how to heal from divorce. Unfortunately, when I was going through my divorce, stuff like that just didn't exist, and so I didn't find the handbook. I didn't find the guidebook. I didn't have the tools, but I really, really wanted to figure it out. So what I ended up doing was also going to another numbing agent, scrolling on social media, getting on the IG, getting on all those things, and just swiping, swiping, swiping.
Heidi Bee [00:03:31]:
And in that process, I found someone who was doing life coaching. And this was a life coaching certification, and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna join this thing. And if it happens to cure me of feeling so horrible and moving that moving forward in my life, then, you know, I'll have the tools to share with other people. And within 2 months of this 12 month coaching certification, I felt like a new person. I felt like a new woman. I started attracting new friends and different relationships, and I thought, oh my gosh. If I had only thank goodness this person exists in this world. So I finished my 12 month certification, went on to become a certified breath work facilitator, which is a really, really powerful somatic practice that helps us get out of our brains, which are doing a lot of crazy things in our minds and into my body where the truth hides, and really, really changed my life in a significant way.
Heidi Bee [00:04:29]:
So I left my 6 figure travel the world event planner job because I was getting the biggest nudge in the side of my sole ribs from the universe going, you need to share all these tools with other women, with other humans. And so I did. So I built a business around it. I call myself the divorce comeback coach because I really have cracked the code on the process that you need after all the legal stuff wraps up, we're left with the lifestyle stuff. We're left with our life. We're left with going, who am I now? What do I want for myself? Where do I go next? And so I wanted to make sure that women had a process to actually follow. I was super type a. I think I've kind of bridged the gap between the 2 now after doing all my somatic practices, but I wanted a system.
Heidi Bee [00:05:21]:
I wanted a process. So the comeback course is the opportunity where we've got a membership portal and modules and community of other women going through exactly what you're going through to find the answers to moving forward faster and really reclaiming your life again. So in a nutshell, that's where I was, and this is where I am now.
Leah Hadley [00:05:42]:
That's amazing. And it's just so inspiring to hear how you've taken what you learned, and now you're sharing it with other women who really are desperately in need of what you're offering.
Heidi Bee [00:05:54]:
I I heard a podcast, couple months ago, and they said, how do you know what your passion is? And they said your passion is when your pain point and what lights you up in life kind of come to a crossroads. And I thought, oh, my gosh. This is it. This is truly my life's calling where your pain feels so overwhelming, but then when you find the answers to it, it becomes your passion. Like, what a beautiful, beautiful purpose in life.
Leah Hadley [00:06:20]:
Absolutely. What do you think holds us back from creating our comeback?
Heidi Bee [00:06:25]:
Oh, my gosh. I had no idea that there were so many things getting in my way of moving forward when I landed in the place of divorce. And so cracking the code on some of these things, I call them joy blocks because I'm obsessed with joy. I think that your comeback is really a reclamation and a remembrance. It's a reclaiming of everything that you feel like you've lost. So for me, I felt like I lost my joy. I felt like I lost my peace. Everything felt very chaotic.
Heidi Bee [00:06:53]:
It felt very confusing. I felt like I lost myself and, in turn, lost my not only my partner, but my life. I felt like everything just kind of disappeared. So the joy blocks are things like fear. I'm scared. I think I'm gonna be alone forever. And all of those fears are limiting beliefs. Right? They're all these stories that we tell ourselves that just put things on lockdown.
Heidi Bee [00:07:16]:
I call it holding your heart hostage. Right? And so all these things that hold our our hearts hostage are just a matter of really not knowing what to do next and how to go about it. So I think that that's another joy block is not having the right tools in place. I didn't know that there were tools on how to be more human, and that's really I call it the transformational toolbox. So we we can only do, the best we can with what we know where we're at. And what I mean by that is I didn't know that there were all these tools. I didn't know that there were systems and processes that I could actually start implementing and integrating now to feel more like myself, to attract more of my desires and what I wanted. I didn't know that there were actually things like that out there.
Heidi Bee [00:08:06]:
I just thought, well, I'm divorced. I'll just wear the big d on my sweatshirt, and I'll walk around and hope that nobody notices too much. I just felt like damaged goods because that's what society kinda trains us to believe is that now we're in this spot. We're divorced. We're labeled. Nobody's gonna wanna be with us, and it couldn't be any further from the truth. And so all of those limiting beliefs, that lack, that scarcity, that withoutness, and not knowing what to do with it really, really held me back. The other thing is not knowing, having the inability to process grief, and I wanted to resist the grief for a long time.
Heidi Bee [00:08:47]:
I thought, I'm not depressed. I'm not grieving. I'm fine. Right? I'm this I'm a strong woman, and I'm gonna power through, and I got this. And screw him. I'm just gonna move on. It's fine. Well, turns out, like, there's a lot of things that we grieve through divorce.
Heidi Bee [00:09:03]:
There is grieving what we had, what we thought we were going to have, our future selves, grieving maybe the loss of friendships because you had shared friendships, the grieving the loss of family because maybe you no longer communicate to the, you know, extended family members, and there's a big huge grieving of self, of who I was with this person, of who I thought I was gonna be in the future with this person. So the inability to be seen and be heard and actually process that grief is a huge, huge thing that keeps our heart hostage. And when we're not taught how to process that or how to move through it or have somebody stand by you in a safe space to do that, we're we can get stuck really, really quickly for a much longer time than need be. So and then the other thing that I would say that gets us stuck is having this bullying brain. I call it the bully versus the bestie. And, again, there are all these tools and practices that you have to be aware of to get yourself out of the bully brain and into the bestie brain so that we're not just stuck in this reoccurring thought pattern and thought cycle. And it's not just honestly, Leah. Like, a lot of thing peep a lot of times people think that it's having a more positive mindset, but I don't think that it's just about having a positive mindset.
Heidi Bee [00:10:23]:
I think it's about having an awareness of where you're at, allowing whatever is there to be there, whether that's sadness, whether that's anger, all those things get to be had. Right. And the last thing that I'll share is feeling like you're on an emotional roller coaster. How many of the women that you work with or the clients that you work with go, I'm up. I'm down. I'm all around. Like, I I feel like I have multiple personalities because I feel like this in one minute and this in the next minute, and I just wanted to stop. Can I maybe, like, just stop feeling all this stuff or stop crying? And so when we can get ourselves to a space where we don't feel like we're riding the ride, we actually feel like the roller coaster is slowing down, and then, eventually, we can unbuckle, step out of the roller coaster, and walk again and not feel like we're gonna throw up, that's a really beautiful space to be in.
Heidi Bee [00:11:18]:
And there and and there's ways to do that versus what holds us back is just continuing to ride the roller coaster and think that we have to.
Leah Hadley [00:11:27]:
Oh my goodness. So many great examples that you provided, Heidi. I'm curious, what's required for creating your comeback?
Heidi Bee [00:11:35]:
Oh my gosh. Thank you for asking this question because, again, I stayed in the space of going, I guess this is just life. I guess this is just it. I'll have to just cope with the fact that I'm gonna just feel like crap and walk through the world in this way, hold holding all these masks and all these things, and it that's a horrible spot to be in. So I call this the 5 c's of creating your comeback. I love a good, acronym. This one's not an acronym. It's just the c's, but it is courage is the first thing.
Heidi Bee [00:12:06]:
The only way to combat fear is to step into the shoes of courage time and time again, and courage is just the willingness to start. It's the willingness to try to do something different and to see something in a different way. So we need to step up into courage, and there's tools to do that. The second thing is piggy piggybacking on that bully versus bestie. The second c is compassion. Give yourself so much love during this time. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just doing the best you can where you're at with what you know right now.
Heidi Bee [00:12:44]:
So So give yourself a lot of love, a lot of compassion. Don't punish yourself with the bully brain. Compassion yourself with the bestie brain. The third thing is really important and that is commitment. I needed to get to the space where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, where I was sick and tired of waking up in Groundhog's Day living in the divorce ditch. It was like there was no light in there. It was just real dark in there, and I wasn't the groundhog popping out into the sunshine. It was just all this stuff.
Heidi Bee [00:13:15]:
And so there was one day where I woke up on the bathroom floor again on Groundhog's Day bawling my eyes out, and I just heard something inside myself say, get up. Get up and go choose your joy. Go find your joy. And, honestly, Leah, I had no idea what that meant. But I put my shoes on, and I went outside, and I started just looking for joy. I was like, where is it? Where is it? And little did I know, I started collecting these little tidbits, and it's a practice I have called joy spotting. And I was like, you know what? I may not feel it yet, but if I can spot it, if I can see it, I know it exists. And if I know it exists, if I can see it, then I know that it's possible for me in time.
Heidi Bee [00:13:55]:
And I will I can collect enough of it. There's evidence. There's evidence of everything that we desire in life if we go looking for it. So if you're desiring peace right now, go peace spotting. Go out and look for little calm moments. Right? If you're seeking clarity, go out and look for a proof of just some clearness, some clear skies, some clarity, something. So commitment is the next thing, and I just told myself that day, I'm gonna get fiercely committed to my joy. And that was a promise I made, and I think we need to make promises when we're trying to create our comeback.
Heidi Bee [00:14:27]:
The fourth thing may feel like a struggle right now, but it doesn't have to be. It is community. Because I truly, truly believe there are 3 kinds of people that we need in our life. There's the people that got you. Right? Your friends, your family, they got you. They got your back no matter what. Right? People that got you, the people that get you, and that is other divorced people. Right? There's people who get you at a deep cellular level.
Heidi Bee [00:14:53]:
They've been through it. Feel it. It's like a new mom talking to another new mom. Right? If you haven't been a new mom, you don't know what it means, like, means to stay up or get up at 2 in the morning, 3 in the morning, 4 in the morning. But the second somebody says, I'm a new mom, you're, like, I see you. I get you. Same thing in the divorce boat. Right? So there's the people that got you, your friends and family, the people that get you, the other divorcees, and the people that grow you, mentors, coaches, therapists, all the people in that realm that are really gonna help you feel different, think different, grow different.
Heidi Bee [00:15:28]:
So I think finding community in all of those spaces that got you people, to get you people, to grow you people is essential to create your comeback. And then the last thing, the number 5 c is choose again. It's the ability to say, well, that didn't work. I'm gonna choose again. Well, that doesn't work to think that way. I'm gonna choose again, and it's this process of being willing to choose again that has gotten me so much further on the comeback journey. So those are the the five c's that I love to operate from.
Leah Hadley [00:16:00]:
That is such a great framework, Heidi, to really think through how to create this comeback in such tangible ways. I love that. What are a few things that we can start doing today that will ignite and invite change?
Heidi Bee [00:16:14]:
Oh, I love this so much. So the first thing is the joy spotting. So I really, really I know it sounds kinda silly. It sounds kinda goofy, but it's really, really important that we give ourselves a chance to do life differently right now. So I want you to put your shoes on. It doesn't matter if you're seeing snow right now or not. I went out in the coldest of cold days. You know, get that hat on, get out there, and go just start looking for it.
Leah Hadley [00:16:39]:
I have a question for you. I'm curious, Heidi. Are there any moments when you are joy spotting that you can just bring up to your mind right now that still bring you joy?
Heidi Bee [00:16:48]:
Oh my gosh. Yes. So the first day that I went out joy spotting, I saw people roller skating. So I lived in a place where they, it was a beach path, so people were doing a lot of fun things, roller skating. My mom's favorite flower was the birds of paradise, and I kept seeing them over and over, and it reminded me, you are loved, you are loved, you are cared about.
Leah Hadley [00:17:09]:
That's awesome.
Heidi Bee [00:17:10]:
That puppies, I mean, dogs everywhere, and I don't even have dogs, like, but there's nothing cuter than that. And then just, like, parents with their kids pushing them on the swings. I thought that was just a lot of joy, and you can never go wrong with a sunrise or a sunset, no matter where you are. Drive to somewhere, find the sun, even if it's a cloudy day, wait for it to come, it will, it will. And even on a rainy day, the rainy days oftentimes bring rainbows, and I think that is a beautiful testament to after a dark time comes beauty. You just gotta see it through and know that it's coming. Know that it's coming. So those, I think slowing down, you and I talked a little bit before this about the power of breath work.
Heidi Bee [00:17:56]:
It's a powerful somatic practice. Slow down because how we do breath is how we do life. And I didn't learn that until I took some coaching classes, until I found my community of people. But to slow down and just take 3 deep breaths, whether you're in the car or in the shower or wherever you are, and just in through the nose, out through the mouth, maybe a little sigh, and just slow it down because chances are you're moving too fast, And you don't wanna create your comeback from a state of urgency
Leah Hadley [00:18:35]:
Right.
Heidi Bee [00:18:36]:
From a state of chaos. You wanna feel super grounded and super safe, and that comes with just slowing down. And then the last thing that I'll say about this, I include journaling as part of my morning practice, and I love to ask the question, like, what do I need most right now? What do I need most right now? And if you want my monthly reflection process, I ask my I go through this with my clients on a monthly basis. It's called monthly reflection process. It's process. It's 10 questions. If you want it, just DM me at divorce comeback coach. I'll send it to you free of charge.
Heidi Bee [00:19:09]:
No big deal. But I do that every single month is ask myself a set of 10 questions just as a check-in. But more important than that, Leah, is what I call self certainty practice. Now this is what some people refer to as a morning routine.
Leah Hadley [00:19:23]:
Okay. But
Heidi Bee [00:19:24]:
you get to choose what it looks like. Maybe it's just opening your eyes, and if it feels hard to get out of bed, taking those 3 deep breaths, planting your feet on the ground, picking a song that makes you feel like a different version of yourself and listening to it for 2 minutes while you brush your teeth. And one of the most powerful stick with me here, but it it sounds kinda silly. One of the most powerful self certainty practices that I have had since I got divorced and started doing this is making the bed. Mhmm. Even if it's a messy bed. The the the most important thing of your your self certainty practices is making a promise and keeping it. Mhmm.
Heidi Bee [00:20:06]:
So if I can wake up and I can make my bed, I'm gonna promise myself to make my bed and listen to a song while I brush my teeth, and I do that every single day. It's really, really easy. You just have to choose it. Right? You're gonna brush your teeth no matter what. You're gonna get out of your bed inevitably at some point. Just fling the covers over and put the pillows on top. What we're doing here is creating a trust a trust bank process. Our bodies are a big bank.
Heidi Bee [00:20:32]:
We're always either making deposits or withdrawals, and so the more trust that we can make within ourselves on a daily basis, even through teeny tiny little things like making the bed or brushing our teeth or turning on our favorite song, it it's really, really critical to choose those things every morning and create consistency because our bodies are looking for trust. And for a lot of our us divorcees, trust is the hardest thing to rebuild. So we try to make those deposits on a regular basis. And the last thing I'll say about self certainty is your your listeners can write these two things down. Today, I choose to be, and today, I choose to focus on. And every day, if you make that part of your morning practice and you fill in the blanks, today, I choose to be and today, I choose to focus on, you can change those words every day, but it will it will really encourage and invite your soul to look for those things. And what we focus on expands. So if I'm gonna focus on peace or I'm gonna focus on energy because I felt really tired, I'm gonna focus on it really creates and part of your brand now, intentional divorce solutions.
Heidi Bee [00:21:42]:
Hello. It creates intention around the way that I'm gonna choose to live my life, and a lot of us are just in our comeback phase. We gotta get real intentional about how how we're gonna be each day towards creating the life we wanna live and the person we wanna be. So those are my good goodies for today.
Leah Hadley [00:22:03]:
So many goodies, And I love that for those who are going through a divorce to approach you with intentionality. What? So tell me one more time, who am I choosing to be? I choose to be and I choose to focus on. Yeah, they
Heidi Bee [00:22:16]:
choose to be and today I choose to focus on.
Leah Hadley [00:22:19]:
Yeah, so if you just take those 2 while you're going through your divorce, before you meet with your attorney, before you enter mediation, before you do anything related to your divorce, really take a step back and think about who do you wanna be. Right? And what do you truly wanna focus on? What's most important to you? Because it's so easy to get distracted by these little things that don't really matter in the big picture.
Heidi Bee [00:22:41]:
That's huge.
Leah Hadley [00:22:42]:
So good.
Heidi Bee [00:22:42]:
Especially going into meetings with you and your team, I've just heard so many folks try to make decisions from a place in a space that's not actually who they're gonna be in the future. Right. Not actually who they want to create their future for, and you wanna make sure that you go into those meetings with that kind of focus and that kind of energy and that kind of intention because the other stuff doesn't matter. It's who you want to walk into this next chapter of your life being and and rooting for that really, really matters, and I love walking into those meetings sitting in that kind of energy and building a future for the person that you wanna be and the life you wanna live.
Leah Hadley [00:23:25]:
So beautifully said. Heidi, you have a fantastic free resource on your website. Could you tell people about that?
Heidi Bee [00:23:31]:
Oh my gosh. Yes. Well, there's a couple of them right now. The first one is that we've got a workshop recording that is going, and it's really how to kick start your comeback. It's a quick workshop. You don't have to deal with talking to me or anything like that because I know when I was first going through divorce, I was kinda, like, I don't wanna talk to anybody. I don't wanna do anything. I just wanna consume everything.
Heidi Bee [00:23:53]:
So go get the workshop, listen to it, and then you'll know if you wanna, you know, spend more time in our community or spend more time with me. Like, go listen to that. The other thing is is that we've got a monthly, it's an it's a a monthly comeback, bestie boost. It's called the bestie boost, and I try to pour tons of free resources every single month into that. Again, you don't have to talk to me. We just highlight what's going on in the podcast. We feature people like Leah on a regular basis who are also supporting you. We try to give, a fun playlist every single month for you to add to your comeback playlist, so the bestie boost is also out there right now along with the workshop.
Heidi Bee [00:24:34]:
And there's, I believe, a gosh. What's it called? The what now workbook that will guide you through the process of really building the foundation of creating your comeback before you even scratch the surface in the community or in the coaching space. So lots of goodies. Go to divorce comeback coach.com and load them up.
Leah Hadley [00:24:54]:
That's awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all those wonderful resources. And just for your positive energy, Heidi, I so enjoy following you on social media. And so those of you who are looking for some positive energy to bring into your life, I do encourage you to follow Heidi. Heidi, where's the best place for them to follow you?
Heidi Bee [00:25:11]:
Oh, man. Just go to, Instagram or TikTok. I play it on all the socials at divorce comeback coach. You'll find me there in all pink. And then also, there's the podcast. If you guys want to binge listen to the podcast, go to Divorce Comeback Coach. Everything's branded under that name and, we love to chat with you there.
Leah Hadley [00:25:29]:
Fantastic. Thank you again for being with us today, Heidi.
Heidi Bee [00:25:32]:
Thanks for having me.
Leah Hadley [00:25:34]:
Thank you for joining me on Intentional Divorce Insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
