Leah Hadley [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Intentional Divorce Insights. I'm Leah Hadley, certified divorce financial analyst, accredited financial counselor, and the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions. I'll be your guide through the complexities of divorce, finance, and emotional wellness. Join me as we uncover practical tips and empowering insights to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and intention. Welcome back to Intentional Divorce Insights. I am thrilled to welcome our guests today. This is Martie Winder Adams who offers over 30 years of experience helping women navigate the challenges of high conflict and high asset divorces. Martie is an ICF and BCC executive and leadership coach, credentialed distinguished mediator in Texas, and a certified divorce transition coach.
Leah Hadley [00:00:51]:
She founded Positive Communication Systems and hosts the podcast, The DSHIFT, redefining divorce and beyond, as well as real divorce talks. Welcome, Martie. Thank you so much for being here with us.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:01:03]:
Leah, thank you so much for being here. It's really a privilege to be able to speak to you and to your listeners.
Leah Hadley [00:01:10]:
Well, I appreciate that. And, for those who are listening, I had the opportunity to be on the DSHIFT podcast, so I'm gonna include a link to that in the show notes so you can be sure to check that out. We had a wonderful conversation, and so I knew this was gonna be a lot of fun for us to reconnect. But Martie, tell us
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:01:28]:
a little bit about what The Real Divorce Talks are. Well, The Real Divorce Talks kind of came about, Leah, because I spoke I mean, I work with most of my clients are women that are in professional roles. A lot of them are trying to juggle being a mom, going becoming a single mom through the divorce, dealing with their careers and dealing with all of the stuff goes along with divorce, that, like, 1,000,001 decisions you have to make, and just feeling really overwhelmed. And so what what I heard from them is that they love the idea of summits and events, but for these women sitting down for my clients, sitting down and listening to 8 hours of experts, it's too much. They don't have the time. And quite frankly, I've been through a divorce. You don't have the bandwidth to sit and listen. You you just really need to take the information that you need in short little pieces and integrate it into the big picture of the divorce.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:02:23]:
So that's the idea behind Real Divorce Talks. It's, 3 presenters, and they speak for about 25 to 30 minutes each, 2 nights every quarter. So it's, this month, it is, February 27th 28th, and it's from 5 to 6:30 PM CST. So everybody can do their own calculations on that one. So it's it's just kind of short and sweet and they're very the people that are on are mostly women but I do have some men come on and I do have some men attend. But it is really geared to providing specific information for for people going through pre divorce, the contemplated state, all the way through to post divorce decisions because, unfortunately, the divorce doesn't end when you get that piece of paper. It can go on and on and on, especially if you've got kids. There's gonna be things you have to think about.
Leah Hadley [00:03:18]:
That's so true. And I love this concept and really meeting people where they're at and giving them an opportunity to get the education that they need. You know? We are all about intentional divorce here, and a big part of that is empowering yourself through education. So creating a space for people to get the education that they need to feel really empowered, but to do it in a time frame that's gonna work for their schedules, knowing that people are busy and they're emotionally overwhelmed. I think that's wonderful.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:03:46]:
Well, thank you. And, you know, it's so interesting because trying to find the right time is almost impossible because on the East Coast, if it's the right time, it's too early on the West Coast and vice versa. So we kinda, I'm central, so we split the difference, but, we do have people listen in from, I'm Canadian. I live in Texas, so there are people I I do work with clients in Canada. So there's people from Canada. There's people from, last time we had people from Australia, South Africa, Germany, and Spain, and the UK also listen in because we're not providing legal advice or we're not providing specific financial advice as your presentation is going to talk about, but it really is just general information that's going to apply to anybody going through a divorce no matter where you live or what legal system you're working under.
Leah Hadley [00:04:35]:
Yeah. And I'm excited for my presentation. So I'm gonna be talking all about making your settlement last and really focusing on how to create long term financial stability for yourself. And that is such an issue for so many people. We're just there's a lot of fear around what this financial transition means for their life. So I'm excited about that, but I wanna hear about some of the other presentations as well, Margit.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:04:56]:
Okay. Well, we like I said, there's 6 presenters in total, and this time it is all women. And, so that's kind of interesting. Well, I'm gonna say, I think this is the 4th real Divorce Talks. I think so this is 2 where we'd have all women panels. But the the 1st presentation is gonna be, by Laurie Saetz, who is also known as the Zen rabbit. She is just the most unique individual, So it is more of a mindset spirituality kind of self forgiveness discussion. Then the amazing Anne Greco is gonna come on next and Anne is a counselor.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:05:41]:
She's a a counselor working with people, but she's gonna talk specifically about stress management and resilience. And this can apply. This is an interesting topic because it's gonna apply to both your divorce but also if you're if you're struggling maybe in your in with stress in in your professional role or stress between family members or just dealing with all the stress around the divorce, this is going to be really helpful, I think. And then rounding out the the the last speaker on the Tuesday, 27th, is going to be Cheryl Whitelaw and she is actually Canadian. And she is gonna talk about the importance of, kind attention to yourself. I just her energy is so positive because let's face it, a lot of women in particular don't put self care as a priority during the divorce and then they end up getting burned out and getting sick and having to deal with all these things. So that's day 1. Day 2, we have, Alyssa Johnson.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:06:41]:
She has a really unique story and a really unique program where she actually focuses on helping women do solo travel after divorce as a way to kinda self discover yourself and get back into doing things that you really love and enjoy, and maybe you've put off for years because you've been raising kids or you've been you know, it just hasn't worked for you. So she really helps women who haven't traveled a lot to take that 1st step and get out there, and she's gonna give a ton of practical tips. And then, we have Huda Bak, and Huda has been a friend of mine for several years. She is a personal brand consultant and she is going to talk about how to create your own personal brand post divorce. I know when I went through my divorce, there was things I changed, my haircut. I changed some of the things I enjoy doing. I just wanted to be a different person. And so she talks about how it's not just the physical stuff, but it's also some, mindset and and internal stuff that we can shift to really become the person we've we want to be, the person we're destined to become.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:07:47]:
So it's a really positive and uplifting message. And then, again, to wind up the the last day, we have the amazing, Leah Hadley, and you are gonna talk about the the long term financial considerations when you're going through a divorce to avoid that fear because that I think is what most people fear the most is, oh my gosh, how am I going to support myself and my kids?
Leah Hadley [00:08:11]:
It's just such a great lineup. I'm so excited to participate with these other presenters as well. It just sounds so positive and uplifting, which is what people really need when they're going through this difficult time.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:08:22]:
Well, and that's that's what I love about this because, first of all, I don't have to really do anything except for just introduce people and sit back and listen, so I really enjoy that. But every everybody that has participated like I said, we did 3 of them last year and we're doing, there'll be 4 this year, is is everybody has sent, walked away and said, I can't believe how much better I feel. Like, this doesn't seem so overwhelming. This doesn't seem so impossible. And this is, again, this is strictly informational and it is completely free. There's no cost to attend. There's gonna be no sales, high pressure sales things. There's nothing like that.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:08:57]:
It's really to provide education for women or men who might wanna attend and listen in.
Leah Hadley [00:09:04]:
Excellent. And it sounds like each quarter, people can expect something different. So just because maybe they can't make it this quarter or something, they should definitely, stay tuned for the next one. Is that fair?
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:09:18]:
Yeah. So it is it it there's never the same speakers. They're always gonna be generally around the topic of divorce, but, the next one is gonna be May 7th 8th. And there is, there is an opportunity. All of the previous events have been recorded. And so there is, you know, there is a an opportunity to buy into that membership in that way. And it's $47. It's not this huge crazy amount.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:09:41]:
It's $47. And then you get lifetime access to all the previous recordings, this session, and all future recordings. So it's a one time $47 payment. If if people wanna make it and and if people have a really, I'm not against, helping people out if they really can't financially afford to do the $47, I'm happy. Send me an email. We can talk about it. You know? I'm I'm more than happy to to give people that if it's just if it's something that could be a resource, but they just can't afford it. Hey.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:10:13]:
Help let's all help each other out a little bit during this tough time.
Leah Hadley [00:10:16]:
That's beautiful. Yes. Absolutely. So, Martie, give us a little bit more about your story. How did you get into the work you're doing and how do you support women through divorce now?
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:10:26]:
Well, I started out by, waiting till I was in my thirties to get married, thought I had done everything right, and, about 5 years into the relationship, found out I hadn't. It wasn't the relationship that I wanted it to be. And there's no blame assigned here. There's there was things I could've done better. There's things I'm sure he could've done better. You know? It just it just didn't work. So went through a divorce that was not a pleasant experience. Let's just put it that way.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:10:54]:
And I had, you know, a very good attorney, so I can't complain about that. But I didn't really know I didn't really have any way to turn, and I think some of the things that I did in the divorce probably complicated things. I think I made snap decisions. I think I certainly did not consult anybody like yourself about long term future, implications of what to do with divorce funds and all that kind of stuff. So after that, I went and became so I was working in a school district. I was also a mediator in Canada working with couples, with divorcing couples. So I started to see that there's this pattern. Like, it wasn't just me.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:11:38]:
It's a lot of people going through divorce have these challenges. Moved down here to the States, started doing more mediation work down here, became a co parenting educator, so educating parents pre divorce about some of the co parenting expectations. Most states in the United States have this 4 hour mandatory course, so I was one of the trainers for that. Okay. And and, you know, I started thinking a lot of people don't understand that what they're doing is actually making their divorce more difficult. You know, holding grudges, bringing up things from the past. We all do it. I know I'm like I said, I was guilty of it myself.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:12:15]:
And then between that and the mediation and the coaching, I started seeing this sort of like Venn diagram thing going where there was this central overlap where people's professional lives, their divorce, their ability to communicate with other people, their ability to handle life, it all kind of converged in one area. And I thought, I need to start coaching to that specific thing. And so the nice thing about coaching is, as you know, you don't tell anybody what to do. You just let people explore and then have them help them to choose what they think is best for them. So that's that's where all of this came together. And my role as a coach, I see, is just to be to be that support person. I like to call myself almost your divorce concierge. So whatever you need, I'm gonna help you figure out what resources you need, what professionals you need.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:13:06]:
I'm there to provide if you want some suggestions, I'm there to provide them and then we can talk about them and see which one works best for you. But again, it's just that sense of being not feeling overwhelmed. So I like to say going from chaos to empowerment, through the divorce coaching transition.
Leah Hadley [00:13:26]:
Oh, that's excellent. Chaos to empowerment. I love that. So our focus here at intentional divorce insights is all about having an intentional divorce and what that means. So when you look back on your own divorce, what would you have done differently to maybe make it less reactive and more intentional?
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:13:46]:
I you know, honestly, Leigh, the I would've started right back from when I first started talking about the divorce with my partner because I didn't do it well. I know that now. I know I didn't do it well because it it came out in anger. It came out in a kind of an ultimatum. And, you know, it just that that's on me. Definitely on me. And I think the other thing that I did I already said I did not have a financial, advisor or a person that actually what was going on. And my divorce was almost 30 years ago, so I'm not even sure your exact title even existed at that point in time.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:14:23]:
But I think if I'd had gone and spoke to somebody, like a CPA or, you know, a a certified financial analyst or something, I I think I would have made better financial decisions. I was okay, and there were no children in the relationship. So it was a relatively easy divorce. There's there was, like, no alimony. It was just divide the property. And and, thankfully, there wasn't a lot of debt either. So it was it was a fairly easy divorce. The motional stuff was more difficult.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:14:49]:
So I would've I would've reached out. I think I would've found because there wasn't divorce coaches either, but I would've found a a mentor maybe. I would have, you know, spoken to somebody. I did what I think a lot of professional women did. I just tried to pretend I can totally separate my professional life from my personal life. Nobody's gonna figure out I'm dealing with all this stress, and I'm just gonna put my head down and just work through it. And I couldn't. You know? It came out at work.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:15:19]:
I know I wasn't as productive as work at work. And, you know, there's lots of studies now that say up to 40% loss in productivity when you're going through a divorce. And if you're if you're a CEO or an entrepreneur, that's that's a big, big hit to take. So, so I think being more intentional in getting the professionals and not just hiring a lawyer and thinking that's what I needed. And I think most women do, and most men do too. Just assume that the lawyer is the is the only person. They're important, but they're not necessarily the only person. So I think those things, the planning out how I was gonna have the conversation, thinking about how I was gonna deal with my emotions during the divorce, and also, getting the right professional team would have been a more intentional way to approach that.
Leah Hadley [00:16:09]:
Those are so many good points there, Marty. And I'll tell you, I I for my own divorce, when I was planning out the conversation, that is something I spent time on, and especially when we told the children that we were getting divorced. But I didn't plan anything after that. It was, like, one of those things that I put all this time and energy end up being really thoughtful in that one piece, but then it kinda fell apart after that. And I can see if I look back now, if I had been more intentional after that conversation, we could have avoided a lot of, you know, anger and just, it would have been a a more seamless process, quite frankly. I mean, I think you're exactly right. We often do it to ourselves in in making it more difficult than it has to be.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:16:52]:
Well and I think the other thing, Leah, in all in all honesty, if you've never been through a divorce before, you don't really know what to expect. You know, people don't really sit down and talk about, okay. You don't go from like, it doesn't happen overnight, and you may be Right. 8 months before you're ever going to even, you know, get in to the mediation if that's the route that you're able to go. And if you're not able to go mediation, you know, especially with all the the backlogs that are still in some of the big, you know, the big centers are still deal dealing with family court backlogs from COVID when they weren't hearing anything. So, you know, you may be looking at 12 to 18 months if you've gotta go through litigation. And Right. There's that whole time where it's you're just sitting there, like, with this like, kinda Charlie Brown and Linus with those big black clouds hanging over their heads when they're sad.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:17:37]:
You know? You just don't it's just there. It's so present. You don't realize what a huge impact it has on your life. Absolutely. So so so many good points that you're making, Marty. I really appreciate your time and wisdom. Tell us, how can we get registered for the real divorce talks? It's real simple. Just go to real divorce talks .com, and I think you have to put the www in in front of it.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:18:04]:
I know some websites, you don't. Some, you do. I think with this one, you do. But just go there, and, you know, you'll you're gonna start seeing it showing up on Facebook and and LinkedIn. There's a pretty active marketing campaign or advertising campaign, I should say, just to get the word out that it's there. And if you know somebody who is going through a divorce, you know, maybe just mention to them because the more the merrier. And like I say, it's it's no cost. So if it would be of value, we would love to have you come.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:18:33]:
And I am gonna be so excited to hear your talk, Leah. I'm gonna be taking notes while you're talking. I know that.
Leah Hadley [00:18:39]:
I appreciate that. And I will say Marty made a good point to let other people know. You might wanna let other people know who you have no idea if they're even considering divorce. So many people I've worked with over the years consider going through a divorce for years before they actually to pull the trigger. And having this good information in advance is so helpful in really being able to be more intentional in your decision making once you do decide to start the process. So this is just such a wonderful resource, and I can't get over the fact that you can get all the recordings for all the sessions for you know, every time she does it for just $47. So you may wanna check that out as well. I think that's a fantastic resource for people to take advantage of, and I will put the links in the show notes so you can also easily access everything there.
Leah Hadley [00:19:24]:
Thank you again, Marty, for joining us today.
Mardi Winder-Adams [00:19:26]:
Oh, Leah, thank you. It's been my pleasure.
Leah Hadley [00:19:29]:
Thank you for joining me on intentional divorce insights. It's a privilege to share this time with you. I hope each episode offers valuable guidance to navigate your journey. If you find our content helpful, please leave a review to help others discover the benefits of intentional decision making in divorce. Until next time, take care and continue to embrace your path with intention.
