Whether Thanksgiving will be your first major holiday after your divorce or whether you’ve been divorced for many years, the holiday season can be tough. November and December holidays usually include a lot of annual traditions, and those may feel quite different after your divorce.
Sometimes people try to recreate those same traditions minus one person, and it doesn’t work out - it usually ends up being so obvious that someone is missing, and everyone ends up feeling sad about the loss.
So instead of trying to keep all of the same traditions, this is the perfect time to make new traditions - or at least try something new, even if it’s only for this year. It’s not set in stone that you do have to do the same thing year after year.
Here are some ideas to add to your Thanksgiving list of traditions (or maybe replace some that don’t fit into your life anymore).
Go Informal...or Formal
If your family usually eats on fine china with cloth...
Divorce is anything but easy. Some emotional or financial issues will be more challenging to overcome than others, yet every challenge has a solution.
As you work your way through a checklist of items to deal with during the divorce process, you'll have lots to consider, from who gets what to your new living arrangements and custody of minor children. You'll also be working through some financial planning for life after divorce.
A critical piece of your new financial plan is your estate plan. Whether you already have a will, trust, and other legal estate paperwork, or only a bank account and no estate planning documents at all, we'll walk you through the essential items you need to address at the end of your marriage.
Note: Before finalizing any estate planning documents, ensure you are not violating any terms of your divorce judgment, i.e., property settlement agreement or life insurance policy requirements.
Estate planning is vital...
I have worked with a lot of women and couples through the years as a divorce financial planner and mediator, and I truly believe that you can thrive after divorce. I have seen it first hand, both watching the people I’ve worked with and having been through it myself!
If there’s one thing that’s a common factor between all successful mediations and divorce cases, it’s this: you have to cut through the noise to reach your own internal guidance system and build up your confidence in yourself.
Before, during, and even after a divorce, we get so overwhelmed with input from so many places that we lose touch with our intuition. The reality is that no one knows what you’re going through except for you. There are people who are more trained and qualified to offer assistance, but only you know what’s right for you.
How do you cut through the noise to hear yourself again? These three tips will help you prepare yourself well so you can once more trust in...
Your first Christmas or holiday after your divorce is going to be different. I still remember my first Christmas. I struggled to keep my routines as close to “normal” as possible, especially for my then-toddler. It’s a special circle of emotions that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
So, my friend, if you’re going through this, I really feel for you right now. It will get better (I know, it doesn’t feel like it, but I will) and hopefully these resources for getting through your first holiday after divorce will help.
Being kind to yourself can be so hard right now. Lots of “failures” are playing on repeat, so it’s easy to sit with that all day long and think that you yourself are one of them. I promise, you are not. If you need to show yourself some self-care right now, here are 4 ways to be kind to yourself when dealing with a breakup.
I turn to journaling when...
Dealing with a breakup or divorce is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Worries weigh heavily on your heart, then you get angry, then incredibly sad - all within a matter of minutes. I know they certainly did when I was going through my divorce. One minute, I was fine; the next, I was beating myself up like my own worst enemy.
Going through these emotions is normal (although not incredibly productive) and you will start to feel the emotional waves lessen over time. As you are dealing with a breakup, here are five mindset shifts to adopt to help ease the emotional strain that you’re feeling right now.
When it feels like you have nothing else to lose, let it all go. Let go of the pain and hurt and “shoulda, woulda, coulda” that takes over. These negative emotions are like a lead balloon that keeps you tethered to trauma.
Shift your mindset to openness. The more you practice opening yourself to healing, your mind will...
Starting over financially after divorce can feel overwhelming on numerous levels. If you are recently divorced, you could still be handling your legal bills related to the divorce. Besides, you are likely trying to manage your expenses on a lower income than what you're used to while only seeing half your assets when you open your investment statements.
If you walked away from your marriage with debt, look at ways to reduce your interest rates or reorganize to eliminate it. If you can't eliminate it right away, begin paying it down aggressively. Your monthly cash flow will be so much stronger if you're not paying down debt every month. When I am working with people on their divorce settlement, we often look for creative ways to eliminate the debt for both parties so they can each have a fresh start.
Related post: Debt and Divorce:...
It's that time of year again where many of us are considering how we might be better or do better in the new year with New Year's resolutions. If parenting with your ex has been a significant struggle in your life, I want to challenge you to resolve to be a better co-parent this year. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your children.
Divorce not only takes a toll on the divorcing couple, but it also affects the rest of the family. This is especially evident if you have young children. Even though it's tough to hide the negative feelings that surface during a divorce, it's extremely important that you work at managing those feelings constructively if you don't want them to affect the kids.
Avoid the mistake of believing that your adult problems are too complicated for your children to understand. Although young children may not understand words like "irreconcilable differences," they're very intuitive and impressionable. Even babies can tell when their parents are at...
If it's your first Christmas after your divorce and you are feeling sad or lonely or even angry, that's completely normal. Feelings often intensify around the holidays.
I remember my first Christmas after my divorce well. My ex and I didn't have a lot of conversation regarding how it was going to go. We didn't have a plan. Our divorce was still relatively new, and we were barely on speaking terms at the time.
I was overwhelmed by simple things like getting the tree and other decorations out of the basement without my ex to help.
No matter the circumstances, divorce is one of the most traumatic events you can go through in your adult life. The impact of divorce on your psyche could have you gearing up for a Christmas in the dumps. It t doesn’t have to be that way, though. Here’s how to make your first Christmas after divorce feel like something special again.
I have journaled off and on since I knew how to write. Journaling helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Whether you've journaled previously or not, the action of putting pen to paper is an extraordinarily beneficial way to improve your life. Journaling is an effortless way to change your life when it feels like nothing is going right.
When you free write, you end up writing about the things that are most important to you. They may be things that you don’t even think of as that important but looking back over your writings later will give you a strong inclination of what you find the most rewarding in your life. For example, if you find yourself coming back to the idea of starting your own business over and over again, it’s evident that it’s a dream that’s important to you. When your life is in chaos, you have less to lose, and you might decide to go for it and see what happens.
Going through a divorce is hard but the transition doesn't end when the divorce is settled and the papers are signed. The negotiations are over but there are still many changes to face. I don't know about you but it took me years to process this major life change.
When you begin life after divorce, sometimes you just need a reminder that you are amazing and you can get through this. Here are 21 quotes to remind you of just that.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” – Roy T. Bennett
“Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.” – Michelle Obama
"When we deny our stories, They define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending." – Brené Brown
"Throw us an obstacle and we grow stronger." – Brad Henry
“I have not ceased being fearful, but I...